Well, this morning was better. W was more receptive to what I had to say in the morning.
I know the drinking really complicates things and makes it almost impossible and pointless to have a conversation. I felt like I stood my ground and didn't waiver.
Still 180 and focusing on how I can be a better version of myself.
If W "needs" me to do all the work in the D, by me not agreeing to do it am I buying alittle more time to show her consistancy in my actions? Seems like a no brainer but just looking for some confirmation.
Yes it buys more time and it shows that you are strong and she doesn't boss you around!
I have read several threads where the WAW tries to get the LBH to do the D work and gets quite agitated when he doesn't, but yet something holds her back.....either money or something else. Either way, she needs to be a big girl if she wants this D and not depend on her H to do it "for" her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I don't know if it's the emotional strain of doing it (W suffers from some depression and usually shuts down when it comes to bills, housework etc) or if it's the stigma of "becoming divorced" or maybe if I do the work then it looks like it was my idea? I don't know.
Either way I am going to take advantage of any extra time it buys me.
W says she is done and has nothing left for me by I really think that is just her pain and skepticism talking. Actions not words will help me find out I guess.
Thanks for everyone continued help and support. Keep it coming please! I know I'm not out of the woods yet.
maybe if I do the work then it looks like it was my idea?
Forcing the H to be the bad guy! That way,she will come out smelling like a rose. Don't let that happen. You can expect her to apply pressure, trying to make you mad enough to go file....and that's why she tells you all that stuff.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I know I did alot to put us in the place and hearing the love of my life say all these things. I don't know how much are true feelings of pain and rejection and how much is just to try and get me to do the D work. Either way it sucks.
I feel like I am doing well on holding my tounge and not lashing out. I have to keep telling myself that she is hurting and ultimately I am doing all this because I believe in our R.
It's a little late now, but I saw where I left out an important little word when I said this:
Quote:
Yep, leaving her standing there is probably the best thing b/c there would be reasoning with her.
I meant to say that there would be "no" reasoning with her. You cannot reason with a WAW. There is no logic in her world. That is why I tell LBH's to stop "talking" to her....thinking they will reach her and she'll change back to her old self. Talking doesn't work, but your actions will.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Not much change in the last few days. Still back and forth. Sometimes really sweet and seems to really want my attention and affection, then bitter and negative about the future. I am trying not to respond and get roped into conversations that I know aren't going anywhere. Really trying to focus on my actions and attitude.
I am hopefully that consistancy will win outbut who knows? She really is dead set on moving out west and starting a new career. I knew for a while she was growing tired of the town we live in and wanted to move closer to the water (we both grew up by the beach and are now land locked) I wonder sometimes if she is trying to get a "do over" in life. New town, new job, new husband. I don't know and my problem is I can really think myself to death, if that makes any sense. I guess the good thing about living by your actions is that there is less to misconstrue, your acts are your acts and that's it.
I am working alot this week (60+ hours) and we haven't/won't see each other much. On the one hand that is probably good but on the other, even though our time together right now isn't great, I just want to be home and be with her. It's really taking alot out of me to act like I'm not absolutly destroyed inside.
Any encouragment or resources would be very appreciated.
Overheard W having a conversation with a recently D friend. It was hard to hear about allof her hurt and pain but ultimately she said she is really scared and conflicted about leaving. Good news to some degree. I didn't hear anything new on the negatives but it was encouraging to hear that she is outwardly expressing concerns about leaving.
It was. Tough to hear how much I have hurt her but this was really more encouragement to continue 180s and being a man of action and not words.
