ok, sorry think i get it... wait till he meets her, then impose boundaries?
and you would recommend now not talking about parenting at all. wait till they meet?
as for keeping the child's interests at heart: my child/parent psych said my H will be invisible to the child and she will not care when she is grown up if he is there at the birth or in first 3 months at least (this is what the research shows). this is something you found too. stuff becomes important for kids later...miles stones much later in life...
