I love my husband, even after what he has done, and I would do anything to make our marriage work. I have been married for 15 years, with my husband for almost 20 years. He is 38 and I am 36. He is cheating on me with a 19 year old kid. I tend to think this is some kind of mid life crisis - to which he says isn’t the case. But, he says, I am fat, bald and old. He has poor self esteem, in my opinion. Note: he has denied he is cheating on me.
I have way too much proof to the contrary, including the people he works with and people in the town we live in, not to mention yesterday hearing him tell her he loves her - not knowing I was there. I asked him right away, and he said I made it all up in my imagination.
I don't know where to begin - but I do know I have been doing everything I can to save this marriage by myself, for about 6 months or more now. I have the DB books. I don’t argue with him over this and I try not to bring it up, as it is so painful for me – and he knows this – I have told him how hurt and devastated I am. I do everything for this man, from cooking and cleaning to supporting him in every way I can. I feel like I always give, give, give and don’t get anything in return.
Backtracking – he told me about 6 months ago, he wanted a divorce and hasn’t left only because he cant afford to. This was a huge shock to me – it really was – I had no idea. BUT, I think this is only because of this little tramp. I still can’t believe it- a 19 year old kid – this kid, mind you, has never had a family –her parents weren’t married, she was kicked out of place after place and I have heard she is looking for a father figure.
My husband is using OUR money to buy this tramp things – even letting her use his car. It’s horrible. And he still denies it. My question is – WHY won’t he admit the truth to me? WHY is he saying they are only friends? Forget the fact a 38 year old man has no business being friends with a 19 year old.
I don’t’ know what to do - he had said, back then, he didn’t love me anymore. You can’t make someone love you or fall back in love with you. I still think if the tramp weren’t in the picture, he would realize he does love me. Its all fun and games with her – NOT real life. Not bills and kids and work, etc. He hasn’t brought up getting a divorce in months. I can feel, though, that he is not happy and he doesn’t want to be here. He makes a point of never being home – not even to see our kids.
I do know he is very selfish and self centered. How you can lie like that – sneak around all the time, behind my back – but, I did catch them together twice in his car. Other people have seen them together, too.
Can a marriage really be saved if only one person is trying, the other one is having an affair, which he denies and if the other person says he doesn’t love you? That he wants out? I don’t’ know what else to do, but this is killing me, but I will not give up. But, I don’t want to spend years like this, with no love or affection.
What do I do? Thanks for any advice you can give me.
