Thanks M&H and Mila, but I don't think so. I do believe I am being very rational and not at all emotional. I am going to process an SA. I won't file as D. Then, if it means enough to him, we can keep working on our R. And if he doesn't come back, I will be able to start to get a grip on what I have to live on, and what sort of provisions I have to make for myself for the future. Right now the kids and I are way too vulnerable.
