"Nothing wrong with hiring a PI, be prepared for any outcome."
What would be the purpose of this GG? Give me your honest answer. I am going to take him for all he is worth.. is not a good answer. Think again!
"i want to rewind the last nine years."
I know.. I have been following along remember.
Why? Your only reason for wanting to do it now.. is because of the situation you find yourself in. Thing is.. if you could just rewind it.. chances are you would do it exactly the same way you did. Cause you don't know any better. Once enough time had passed you would settle back into what you have been doing. I suspect from all your "hand raising" and "running around on fire".. you are doing just that right now.
"i don't want to allow myself to ever feel again."
Are you the WA now? See... See how easy it is to fall into the trap! You still don't get that you and your H are on the same field. He just showed up early.
"you know. just like the one night stand. you don't know if it's going to help or not."
Oh.. I assure you it won't help. Do not misunderstand me. It will make things worse. Maybe short term it may cover it up.. but it will leave you lacking. I will bet you money if I walked into somewhere you were.. I could pick you out. You would be the easiest target in the room. It would be in your mannerisms.. your words.. your smile. It is like someone is an open book when you are are where you are right now. My BF wife called me "The Scary Guy".
Wanna test me.. go do it. Tell them Forrest made you do it.
"hey .. he might even be stbxh's replacement."
There you go waffling again.
"that should hurt the jugular, ego, and everything else. it will be all over the workplace. h would have to quit his job."
That's right.. dig sister dig.
"if i suspect that stbxh is doing that. there is no reason why i shouldn't. i don't know if it will be unfulfilling if i don't try. don't tempt me forrest."
Lets be clear.. It does not matter one bit what I write here. You are gonna do.. what you want to do. I can tell you what not to do. I can write out exactly what to do to give yourself a fighting chance. But you make the choices. And they will be your choices. Forever.
"coach said the brutal reality is i'm divorced. so i should be able to do whatever i want."
I don't think that is what he said..
"you don't know how many people have said the words "move on" or "he's likely too far ahead" or "you don't need that. there are more fish in the sea. you'll find someone who appreciates you". if i hear another "move on" and "you'll find someone else" comment .. i will f*king lose it. i could just be one of those people you said have dug themselves in such a big hole that it's too late. maybe that's me."
So don't try. If this means so little to you.. why are you so worked up? I mean if your done.. your done. No skin off my back. It was great to meet you and I wish you the best.
"i think i can see that the process is going to take a long time. i'm too old, damaged goods. i might as well sell myself to the highest bidder. after all, i am a gold digger who marries people for their money, right?"
I got a dollar. Although with the stock market going like it is that really is only seventy-five cents or so.
"i think you know i'm digging into you. i don't want to be complacent. i don't want to wait around. i want to suppress this part of me and work on the part of me that is still going. which is my job/career. i'm not interested in saving myself. that part of me is dead already."
OK.. I believe ya.
Seems to me.. the path you are on.. the things you are doing/saying.. has left you complacent and waiting around. You are stuck in your own fear. I know it is part of it.. but you are not gonna believe how silly this looks weeks/months down the road.
You have done nothing to surprise me.. whatsoever. One day.. I am gonna post.. and someone is gonna just "get it" and "Do Work". God.. that is gonna be a great day. Life changing for me really.
You are almost exactly where I expected you to be.. you had all the signs. I had a little hope.. and ya let me down. What am I gonna do now?
I'll keep posting..
It was not that long ago.. you were a much more interesting and vibrant person. This crap you are throwing out here.. well it is just disappointing. Your edge is gone. I don't like you like this.. and from your posts.. you don't either.
Your choices.. are your choices. Don't blame me if you can't get up and do something. I will assure you that I will stand by my words. It is all right "here".. I gave you the "tools" for free. They will be sitting right were I left them.. if you ever find yourself ready.
Let me be clear...
DO NOT.. put yourself into a "situation" with another male! (or female if you swing that way)
DO NOT.. Move the D forward.
DO NOT.. Talk to your H or any of his friend's
DO NOT.. buy a house. (NEVER.. make a large purchase in the midst of a separation/D. It will bite you in the as5.)
DO.. something for you.
DO.. sleep and eat and shower.
DO NOT.. quit your job. (Take time off if you need it)
I am here.. for you. Simple as that. Don't care about your H. Don't care about what people might think. I am here to hold you to a higher standard.. cause I have been where you are.. and I know YOU can do better. If a DAM like me can pull it off.. so can you.
When and if.. you are ready. You know what to do.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
