So you have no control over anything...I like that. You are admitting that you need to grow. Time to start working on yourself. So what are you doing for yourself?
Don't worry about the dating thing. Your WH is pushing it because it makes him feel less guilty. Then when he gets a sniff of it, he will flip out. I to was pushed and one evening that I went out with a female friend (not a date) my wife flipped out.
Not much to add, I totally hear where you're coming from, much like where I am at right now.
This board has been wonderful at helping me on a day-to-day basis.
The detachment and growth thing is really hard to do, I know. You really don't have to deal with dating right now, ignore that, you are still really young, and will go there when the time is right, if it comes to that. Don't let him dictate what you should or shouldn't do about your marriage sitch. He has other motives. Be strong, you can do it!
RLay, I also don’t have any close friends and I choose not to tell my family. I did tell my mother, which may wind up being a big mistake. She wants to tell the rest of the family, worries what they will think, they will suspect, etc.
Everyone starts out where you are now. The difference in the people who succeed is that they let go. Detach and work on yourself, it’s your only chance for success.
So when I am finally to detach and stay dark...is that all I do for now? ...then what? I know I focus on myself and my kids...and then just wait for him to come to me? Should there be things I say to him, do around him to steer him toward reconciliation with me?
M: 34 WAH: 38 (in MLC) Together: 11 years Married since: November 2000 DS: 15 DS: 11 DS: 10 ILYBINILWY: Dec. 2009 Living separately since: April 2010
It's so very hard. I'm detached and to the point that I'm doing those things... working on myself, doing the things I always wanted to do, etc... and STILL I feel like I'm missing something, there is something I should be doing.
It's hard, RLay, but you'll get it. It takes constant work in the beginning, but we're here for you.
Today was a pretty good day. I thought about him and our situation most of the day, but not ALL of the day. I joked and laughed with co-workers more today and had fun.
M: 34 WAH: 38 (in MLC) Together: 11 years Married since: November 2000 DS: 15 DS: 11 DS: 10 ILYBINILWY: Dec. 2009 Living separately since: April 2010
Yesterday, I ended up having to talk to my husband on the phone, and I let DB'ing techniques fall by the wayside. I called him because he was texting me about picking up the boys and I was in the middle of work and couldn't keep standing there trying to type to him. I felt like I would be able to handle talking to my H, but... ::sigh::
These days following a talk with my MLC H I am sad because of how different he is. I am mourning my "real husband's" death. He is gone. :*( I feel like there is no hope at all for us to reconcile and be happy again. I've been thinking that I should just give up, which makes me feel guilty that I would do that to my husband when he is in crisis.
M: 34 WAH: 38 (in MLC) Together: 11 years Married since: November 2000 DS: 15 DS: 11 DS: 10 ILYBINILWY: Dec. 2009 Living separately since: April 2010
Sorry Rlay you are going through this. I does take so much out of us and it's hard to think of DBing when they act the way they do. Don't beat yourself up too bad.
As far as giving up that is always your choice. By the looks of your signature you have not been at this long. You have to be committed to the long haul which could be years for your h to come out of the crisis. You will need to buckle your seat belt and get ready for a bumpy road if that is what you choose.
It might be best in the beginning to have very little contact with your h, since most of the contacts turn ugly and are handled with anger and are defensive.
Remember to not take it personallly this is not about you.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
RLay, I was reading through your thread and we have 1 thing in common, we are both from Kentucky! What you are going through is textbook for MLC. ILUBNILWY, I want to pursue other women to see if I love you, blah, blah. It all amounts to the same thing, he wants to relive his youth. I have seen this hundreds of times here. My advice to you is to have as little contact with him as possible. The more you try to contact him, the further you push him away. It has been my experience that this sort of behavior lasts for years and its not easy. Take a step back and work on yourself a bit and do protect yourself financially and otherwise.
