Just an update on the continuing twists and turns of H rollercoaster ride.
Between weekly visits H has now gone very quiet. No contact with me and limited contact with the children. He rang on Sunday and I answered the phone and he was surprised at me answering. Sounded distant and miserable.
H has always said it is difficult for him to come home as he gets panicky feelings and palpitations. He was due to pick S up from school at 3.30pm but I saw him driving near home at 1.10pm. Not bad for a man who hates coming here. During his time here on his own he cleaned up the back garden!
I was out this evenng with friends straight from work. H had to leave early unexpectedly as he had the office keys and couldn't lock up.
He has told S13 that he is coming on Saturday but S doesn't know why and neither do I.
Anyway Sat I have a hair appointment and facial massage booked so won't be about much.
Still no communication with me since last Wed. D rang to say he left early.
SA I agree. When I see him it appears depressed but also confused and distant. I am sure he has much turmoil in his head to sort out.
Mila Thanks for the support. I suppose slowly is better then backwards or stuck and I am grateful for the small positives I see.
No comms today from H. The children haven't heard either. S13 is finding this particularly hard. I see the twists and turns but S doesn't understand the movement in then out again.
Will continue to let him have his space and time to sort the turmoil out.
I am reeling after seeing H tonight. I would be grateful for some insight and advice to help me get through this.
H came tonight after 10 days of no communication. He is fitting the visits to his children around OW whilst continuing to lie where he is to OW as he always comes in his work clothes even though he is here all day.
H cut the grass in the garden and helped wash up.
He is lying to his children which is particularly hard on S13 who is firmly on H rolercoaster as he throws him around.
Tonight he has admitted about going on holiday to a place we had many years of fun. He has lied about everything to do with the holiday but at least he told me. He is buying her new leather motorbike gear to go on this holiday even though his bike is in the garage and he says he won't need it as he can't get it there. If he is buying leathers he has bought a new bike!H did acknowledge that I wanted to revisit the holiday destination as it was something we planned to do as the children grew up. I pointed out that as it was exam season someone had to stay at home and parent them and would need to for a few more years.
Today when he came I had completeley detached and was friendly. H noticed a difference and was very hurt and thoughtful when here. No smiling or jokes. He continues to throw money at the children even though he can't afford it to allay his guilt for letting them down as a father.
I busied myself around the house and garden and he followed me. He bought eveeryone a takeaway meal. I went out this evening. Told no one my destination got all dressed up and left. H said 'have a safe journey whereever you are going' I thanked him and left. He watched me go from the window.
He spent some of his time talking about his business and getting my opinion and then letting me read CV 's as he has advertised 2 jobs. H wanted to know what my opinion of the applicants was and we discussed interviewing them. H has admitted that he never discusses the business with OW and she doesn't know the financial trouble he is in.
I am so sick of the lies and watch him destroy our children for a happiness he can't find.
Tonight I am so sad and don't know how to handle all this c*** anymore!
Oh Libby, I'm sorry...this must be so frustrating. I know that you are probably questioning all the positive signs that you've observed. MLC process is painfully slow, we all know that...take the positives at face value and remember - no expectations....keep detached and just observe. I know...easier said then done.
You don't know what goes on in his mind...he may be struggling to understand it all as well...give him time
(((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Libby, I'm very sorry to hear of the recent conversation you had w/your h. The MLC mind works totally different from a rational one. He's in financial trouble and yet, he's purchasing her new leather motorbike gear. My question is, is he really in financial trouble or is he tossing that out at you so that you do not expect support?
Tossing money to the children is the only way he thinks he can alleviate his guilt for what he's doing. The children enjoy the money, but would rather have time spent w/their father. Hopefully, some day, he will come to realize this.
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and continue doing what you've been doing. God has a lot of work to do on this man in order to help him see the light. In the meantime, keep the candle burning in the window to assist him in finding his way home.
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Libby I just wanted to ad a thought about the "trowing money at the kids"
Mine buys D gifts (clothes) every time he goes and visits OW. It alleviates their guilt. Probably because that's the only time they see a smile and happiness towards them when the kid opens the present (gets money). It's like buying their love.
In my case D knows that ow helps him pick out the presents, so that is just rubbing it in for her. Last time she even asked him and he said "yes OW picked out that top but I picked out this one. Guess which top she never wears....
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Interestingly he bought S13 a solar powered car which needs building. S loved it but what H doesn't realise is that he wants him here to help build it. S hasn't touched it in 3 days!
Snodderley H is in financial trouble as I see his bank statements though I do believe he is withdrawing money from the business to support him and OW. He freely admits he doesn't talk to her about the business and the mess he is in. OW is oblivious. She thinks she has found her nest egg.
Today has been our wedding anniversary and our first on apart. No contact from H and Iwasn't expecting it. It has given me time to reflect where I am and where I want to be. Think about doing more things for myself. I also booked a caravan holiday for me and the kids which we are really excited about.
What knocked us sideways was the intense touch and go that went on for 6 weeks with him increasing his vistis and getting closer and closer to both me and the children. Now he has withdrawn again completley which of course is typical MLC behaviour. All of us are on this steep learning curve. Just as I think he won't surprise me again, bam, he does.
I have handed him over to God who hopefully will help H see where true happiness and contentment are.
