I tend to think that the general guidelines that most of us have found in either the DR or DB books are just that - guidelines.
My personal experience was that there was no "one size fits all" approach to trying to DB my marriage. That being said, I do still believe that the concepts in Michelle's books are generally useful for all in one form or another.
I don't do marital research and don't know anyone on here who does, so it would be quite strange for any of us to start reciting facts or "truths" that we can back up with cold, hard data. That makes most of the advice/counsel on this forum anecdotal in nature.
Just because one general idea might be that confronting "friends" who are offering advice harmful to the marriage is a bad idea, doesn't mean that there are not circumstances or ways in which it could be helpful. I'm not sure if you wanted validation for taking the approach you took, or something else, but I know that I have always felt that it was the individuals role to make those kinds of calls. As an outsider to your situation, the best I could ever do is read what you've done, what the response was, and offer you my two cents worth on what I think might be a reasonable next step.
For example, my ex almost immediately took up with a new, interesting group of "friends" when her batchitt crazy switch got flipped back in 2006. She began hanging out with a recently divrced woman and a chronic alcoholic who had been used, rode hard and hung up wet, if you know what I mean. Each of these women agreed with every complaint that my ex had. If you can believe it, each of these women even agreed when my ex made the decision to give up custody of her 14 year old son to move 500 miles away and live with her new soul mate.
Could I have made significant inroads by confronting these two women, or in some other way trying to convince my ex that these women did NOT have her best interests at heart? I doubt it, but who knows in the end. The fact is that I made the decision to leave these women out of my consideration. And further more, that was MY call to make.
You sound like a reasonably intelligent and thoughtful person. From reading your thread, it seems that you do take the time to THINK about what you are considering doing. If that's the case, why bother with those who offend you? As a complete outsider to you, I will agree with CG that you come across as confrontational in these matters with the ones you disagree with.
I've had my run ins with some on here as well. But you know what? Rob, Coach, Puppy, Gucci,...all those guys - and everyone else for that matter - have their opinions about what works and what doesn't. And all the rest of us have the right to agree or disagree with them. I know you asked some of them to leave, and in good taste they should hvae just done that.
I'm just not sure why you continue to write posts that show that humongous chip on your shoulder so well.
Let's talk about your sitch. Or let's talk about the issue that you started this thread for.
The best way to get to doing that would be to stop putting bait out for those you have had conflict with.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
