Whitney is right, the sooner you can do the DB stuff the better. It has helped me so much over the last 2 months to keep detatching. It has been a slow process, but gets easier everyday. I self-talk a lot, telling myself that saying and doing certain things like checking his facebook, having r talks, getting upset and crying, calling him, IMing him, texting him, will do me NO GOOD at all. We have a very werid relationship, but my ex is classic MLC!! Look it up on wikepedia and you could see his picture..lol!! So, when he is out of the tunnel things are good, and he seems to be staying out longer and longer. We live so far apart that it is easy for me not to want to know where he is and what he is doing, cause I can't just get in my car and go try to find him, etc. We have slept together the last few times we were together, but we never really stopped doing that, a few months when he was really hot and heavy with OW we didn't, but he even cheated on her with me!! The DB book says if you can have relations and feel okay to do it, that it is a bonding experience no matter what, but at times I think men can do that and not feel much at all. And, I think my ex is one of those men. So, that part of it depends on you and how you personally handle it and stuff.
This is hard stuff, and I most days wonder why I am even trying...the man cheated on me, got caught, promised never to do it again, left me saying she had nothing to do with it and they weren't together, let me move 700 miles away with his kids, found out he was with her again and had been long before he moved out, let our house go to foreclosure, runs like he is 21 again, lives with another man in a rental house at 43 yrs. old...I could go on and on!! So, I have to ask myself what is wrong with me that I want a man who can do all these things to the woman he was married to for 18 years and his own three kids?? But, for some reason I can't stop loving him and wanting our family together.
Hang in there and come here for support. Be confident and happy and eventually you won't have to fake it anymore.
A
Me-40 XH-44 T-21 M-18 Div-19 mo. D-18,S-15,D-11 Bomb-7/07 EA,PA Mvd out-9/07-to give me space mvd back-12/07 mvd out-7/08 back with OW since 2/08 OW broke it off-1/10 in and out of tunnel and our life since!!
