As great as it is to think about reconnecting, he has made it clear to me that it's over. He wouldn't go to counseling or a sex therapist at this point because he sees the relationship as over.
It's funny that you mention the Montana wife, because that's what he's acting like. He is being sweet and nice and giving me lots of space and pretty much letting me call the shots as far as the living situation. The only difference is that he just wants to be friends and not save the love part of our R.
Usually when I'm drawn to posting here, I am so emotional that I guess I'm not always clear or consistent. Yes I do want to stay with him, but not if it means being with someone who is not attracted. That is torture.
I feel the separation is necessary and urgent before we do any more emotional damage to each other. If he wanted to go talk to a professional about it, I'd be more than willing, but at this point I've spent a year's worth of time and energy trying to keep us functioning as a couple that I just can't be the one trying anymore.
We're already making plans to move, have started separating our things, and have been strangers for almost two weeks. If I were to try to get close to him, he would certainly tell me it's inappropriate.
Yes, I initiated the separation, not because I wanted to, but because I couldn't take the pain of loving someone who did not love me the same way. It got to be too much. The rejection has eaten away my self esteem and body image and the anxiety has started to cause physical symptoms.
Since he moved into the spare bedroom, my anxiety has skyrocketed because I am supposed to stay away but it's very hard not to constantly have him on my mind when he's in the next room. This is why I haven't eaten and been nauseous and unable to sleep more than 3 hours a night. This is why I need to move.
If he were to come back and try to work on the M, I would probably take him back in a heartbeat, but it's on his terms now and I need to heal myself before my emotions and anxiety eat me alive.
