Divorce in 1 month Help with exposing please need

[twolf]

Sorry i was busting the affair to freind and that was rhe letter i sent and the responce to my wife when she found out i told them. She has keept this a secret i belive from them butt MIL knows i belive.

[twolf]

BIL just 5am called said he seen a O/M jeep in wifes grandmas driveway. She is house sitting.he wanted me to know if i wanted he would go kick the s^%$ out of him i said no. Man me and BIL hated each other when i first married my wife butt became good freinds as well as her real dad.


I sent tex saying that I dont think its a good idea for a home wrecker to be staying with a married woman and some one elses son wy granmothers is away it gives people the wrong idea.

[twolf]

Ok her is the news.

Police called me saying the O/M thinks im harrasing him.
Told the officer what was going on and he wished me the best of luck understood what i was going through because same happened to him.Butt not to text O/M. I said ok.

Ok waw has every one beliving that nothing started with O/M till after seperation.


I have phone records in one month prior to her moving out 300 phone calls. Text went from 400 to 1600 in one month. I just feel like their is no hope.
When wife found out me sending people the text on how i wanted to save my marrige and how the other guy i was a predator that everyone thinks im crazy.

I know that buy sending it to the few people i did it got to MIL and all freinds husbands. I just think Im going to be portrayed as a lunatick.

What kind of backlash has anyone received from doing this ????

[Allen A]

TWolf, I am going to give you ONE WORD here for you to digest

PRESENTATION

If your posts here are any sample of how you are executing your exposure efforts you need to regroup and focus.

Puppy here has already suggested that your posts are near incomprehensible streams of input.

We aren't trying to beat you up here, but its very difficult to make sense of your situation in full... you don't even use a signature.

Use lists, tables, point form notes etc here it helps.

I suspect your exposure script is needing improving too.

1. Do NOT DENOUNCE what your wife is saying. If your wife is telling everyone you beat her, you IGNORE that and stick to the facts. When you include

"I did not beat my wife"

IN your letters, all people read is "Beat" and "wife" and no one wants to read further.

Do NOT put focus on your wife's claims in your scirpt. Stick to the facts and IGNORE whatever she's saying.

1. Our marriage is in serious trouble
2. I would appreciate your help
3. Do NOT support OM's involvement with my wife while my marriage is vulnerable
4. We have a two-year-ol-son.
5. My wife is having an affair and exposing my infant son to this predator.
6. Please help me save my marriage by NOT involving yourself in any way with OM - he's a threat to my marriage and my family

That's it, a nice, simple list of points you want to get across...

Did this cop you spoke to offer to do anything about the OM being around your SON? Not a word?

Do you have a separation agreement in place with child custody rules in place?

Details tWolf, summaried factually in points without too much stream...

Presentation...is important when fighting for your marriage, both here on this forum, and with your freinds and family in your community.

[twolf]

Ok what i have on my mind is what if no really cares.I feel like the only one fighting this battle and i get know where.

My wife expressed to me that its not cheating if you are not inlove. And we are just casually dating.

I think she must think i was the biggest chump in the world. Ive belived her for so long. Im a logger from the NW.

never had much use for a computer till now sorry fo any inconvince.

[Allen A]

No problem, I am sorry your wife is being so difficult.

Do understand though, that your wife is ADDICTED and is going to RATIONALIZE.. do NOT expect her to give you any sound argument for her behaviour or for her to cooperate with you in any way.

We have all head this stuff tWolf, we all hear the same excuses when we confront our spouses about their cheating.

The fact is, your community will largely determine how easy or difficult this battle is.

You didn't answer my questions about separation agreements...

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Ok what i have on my mind is what if no really cares.I feel like the only one fighting this battle and i get know where.

My wife expressed to me that its not cheating if you are not inlove. And we are just casually dating.

I think she must think i was the biggest chump in the world. Ive belived her for so long. Im a logger from the NW.

never had much use for a computer till now sorry fo any inconvince.

Nor, apparently, a dictionary.

[twolf]

Ok allen,

June/2/09 My sister commited suaside with a pistol and my wife found her in her home. My sister and wife were good freinds.

We were at a race event in june15/09 noticed WAW hanging out with O/M said something about it to them.

They told me they were talking about my sisters death, and how his dad was dying from cancer.

I told them that i did't like this because my wife and i still havent started talking about sis death. I shut down i know this now i was depressed.

all i got from her MIL and FIL they are just freinds and talking. I said maybey im just over reacting thy have known each other before we got married and did come to our wedding.

July 09 Noticed wife was hiding phone erasing all call logs being very quiet and distant. She started going to her moms a hundred miles away ever week for four to five days.

On the June 26 wife went down to help with advent i brought RV down wife didnt come down till saturday dayed she was helping MIL
cook and watch baby.Friday night called mother MIL to talk to wife she said she was asleep. Next day wife came and O/m showed up after i went to sleep. I awoke yp at 2 am no wife so i called her cell phone and it rang out on picknick table.
So i called O/M cell and 3 minutes later Waw calls me and says were talking and so i went and said what the hell is going on just talking . other man runs of about crying. Me and wife get into argument MIL and FIL come out tell me that im over reacting. Wife tells me
I love you butt im not in love with you any more bs. That i think we made a mistake that i would be happer being a single mom bs.I woke up the next morning and Other man had returned. So i let it be didnt want to cause a seen. Sunday i had to leave to go back home for work as i was leaving wife said she would be home on tuesday, she wanted to help tare down the equipment.

As im leaving isee O/M driving down to addvent.She never came home she said she need time to think if she still wanted to be married.



When my WAW decided to leave she stayed at her moms.

On our annavircery i drove down their and found out my son was attacked buy mother inlaws german shepard.

He was staying with wifes grand mother and wife was house sitting brothers house wy he was on honneymoon.

She was staying with otherman at house she said she felt unsafe being their buy herself. And we are just freind BS.

She had the look of shame on her face she told me about son.
She said she didnt want to tell me because she was affraid of what i would do to the dog.

This happened a week before.

Then she started to tell me that real dad showed up and asked her what was going on are you having an affair because he lives next door to brother inlaw and seen O/M jeep in drive way every night. He said she said no.

Then she prceded to tell me that he is like my brother can you belive that that would be sick she said like incest.

We went and picked up son and took him out for pizza.

She seamed very distant then she told me that she controlls when i see my son and if i didnt like it oh well. So i went and filed separation papers and got temparary protecive custody order wy they could find get rid of dog. They decided to go stay with grandmother.

We came up with an agreement that i would get him every other week end for for days and that she would have to call me anything happend to son.

Then on the thirty day of her replying to my separation papers her att filed divorce.

Then i re orderd phone records from phone company because the old ones dissapperd and found out that she was calling him after i left for work middle of day and before i got home from work and the text messages went from 400 to over 1600. And i noticed no phone calls to O/M when she went to MIL.

I feel like the biggest boob in the world.

She has told everyone that they didnt start dating till after i filed separtion, I think she baited me into filing she said i didnt have the balls to do it. Thats my stich.

If my spelling is bad PDT im sorry, im just here like every one else trying to turn things around.

And i would like to be able to find a way to tell every one that it started way before the seperation and how to word it and expose this more.

M 37
W 31
s2
M 2 1/2

[twolf]

If some one could help me draw up a letter explaing this i would apperciate it.

If it would help i would even be willing to talk over the phone.

I am dessprate i have till the 16th and i will be protesting the divorce and that gives me another 90 days .

I will make sure no stone is unturned to save what i belive in i tryed the 180 like the book said and Lrt till the dogs came home and it just made their relationship stronger i belive. She did start calling and being more nicer.

Butt she allso admitted that nothing happened till after i filed the seperation pappers. which i know is a lie.

I really dont have much time and i need to really blow this out of the water.

M 37
H 31
S 2
M 3
B 7/28/09
D filed 10/28/09
A 6/1/09

[Allen A]

OK TWolf

Some good news and some bad news :

Bad news

1. This is a very classic case... We have all heard this stuff
2. It will take you at least three months I would suspect to put an end to this affair..
3. There are no guarantees of success
4. You have made a few mistakes that make things more difficult for you
5. It doesn't look like you have a lot of support from family, which is key here
6. The police in your area seem to take harassment calls clumsily (its ok for an interloper to harass a marriage that's experiencing problems, but harassing the INTERLOPER BACK apparently is a no-no)

Good news
1. Sounds like your Brother IL and a few others ARE steadfast supporters in your favour
2. You have a son and wife has a record of irrespnsibility under her care
3. You want to save your marriage

What we want to look for here TWolf is

LEVERAGE

There are two routes you can go

Your Wife
The Interloper/ Other Man (OM)

I usually reccomend the OM but he seems to be quick to call police and for some reason they take his side...

What you want to do is apply PRESSURE to OM to make him back off

1. Is he married? I take it that's not married?
2. Does he have a job or a business that he dones't want you embarassing him at?

The purpose of the exposure is to SHAME the OM and the WS (your wife) into ending their affair.

You need to clearly demonstrate that this is HURTING your FAMILY... IGNORE what your wife is saying... focus on the harm your SON is going through

1. Some community members will just turn away
2. Some community members will tell you that you are crazy
3. Some community members will tell your wife they won't talk to her until she ends her affair

HOW do you KNOW your wife is cheating on you? You say its a lie, but do you have proof that you can DEMONSTRATE to the people you expose to?

Busting an affair is largely a community activity. If your community is mature and educated they more often will support you. If your community is ignorant and chlidish they wont.

By community I mean the network of freinds and family members you and your wife and OM are in contact with.

You have to assess WHOM is best to expose to.

I would also find out the specifics of this "harassment" law the police are touting around... from my reading its a very dubious charge that people exaggerate very often...

Have you considered a court order to keep OM away from your son?

Explore what leverage you can apply to OM and Wife, where do they work? Where do they socialize? Is their local restaurant owner willing to turn them away if you asked him to?

If the whole community refuses to house them or talk to them its a shoe in to die, this is the ideal...

Its a shame you didn't put a stop to this sooner, its claassic.

When you see your wife talking to another man, get INVOLVED... Do NOT let her talk to anothr man, especially a SINGLE man without getting your head in there... no PRIVATE time with other men.. PERIOD