Quotes found on Divorcebusting (II)

[Ready2Change]

Hello All!
I'll try to make this as brief as possible - after reading through a lot of this forum, I've discovered that my situation isn't all that different than a lot of people. Good to not feel so alone!

Married 16 yrs, 2 children - 17 and 12. Good marriage most of the time, lots of good memories, some bad ones, mostly me though...I use to be an angry person.

Past few years I began to sink into a heavy depression and started drinking heavily, emotionally neglecting/taking advantage/not respecting my wife and/or family. She built one hell of a wall around her heart, a wall against me....and because of me. Basically detached herself emotionally from me after trying for YEARS to straighten me out. In all of this, I still loved her dearly but didn't show it. I was a mess.
She gave up finally and became a WAW....from what I've read here that's the best description I could find.

Fast FWD to last year, marriage was falling apart...I was drinking like crazy, numb to everything, depressed....she ran into an old boyfriend at her class reunion, at the time I was drinking and neglecting her the heaviest. They began a one-sided EA...I say one-sided because he's gay - but my wife fell in love with him. Different state, so no PA. I didn't see any signs at all until she flat out told me, and said she felt guilty about it and didn't want to hide it...she wanted our relationship to open up. It was then that everything hit me like a train and I was knocked out of that fog I was in.
She was planning on leaving me she said, the only thing keeping us together was the kids at the time. She was going to leave me this coming summer. I went through ALL the emotions, pain, you name it within the span of a few weeks.
FFWD a bit - I realized what I was doing, I wanted to keep my lovely wife and start this marriage over....I stopped drinking and began getting myself together...did all the wrong things at first; begged her, cried, puppydog following her around the house, smothered her, etc. MAN I didn everything a man is NOT supposed to do which kept pushing her further away!
She decided that she wasn't actually in love with this friend of hers, but that he was there when I wasn't - he listened, talked, did everything I was supposed to be doing - which she REAALLY needed at the time. True. I don't know if he ever knew how my wife felt, I've asked and she's told me that it was all her and that he knew nothing. I spied a bit, and that seems to be true....wanted to learn trust, I stopped spying and refuse to do it again - at this point I have no reason to.

Anyway, FFWD to today - I'm a changed person in many different ways, I have stopped smothering her and given her space, stopped 'doting' on her, showed her real love and support, etc. etc. etc. got a life somewhat, lost 25 lbs, got all 'muscular', started my art career up again and I'm much like the man she married in all ways...except that I'm much more 'learned' about relationships....women....marriage...love...trust...anything and everything I have read over the months, and she has said to me 'I don't even know you now! lol!' - and in a good way. We don't talk about the marriage right now, at her request, she has worked on her anger and resentment towards me and it's better...but still there, I can tell sometimes....we get along better than we ever have...we laugh, my moods are almost always 100% awesome which always rubs off on here when we talk, have coffee, etc. we hug each other, nice kisses - quick on the lips or cheek, but sex and intimacy almost non-existent right now, but I don't push it because it makes her angry when I do....she has said 'let me come to you' in the past, and that's what I'm doing. I flirt a little, give her compliments and say dirty stuff to here now and then which gets a cute 'look' from her...I'm showing patience like NEVER before, many many actions and fewer words, and it seems she's SLOWLY opening up to me again and it's only been about 5-6 months since I freaked out, broke down, cried and begged....up until that time, we had frequent and great sex even when she was pissed and me and even when she thought she was in love with someone else. I'm guessing those breakdowns turned her off to me physically, sexually? but that's just from reading a little bit and a guess - I'm not an expert at this! I've caught her recently though, looking at me and my muscles when I'm walking around the house shirtless, hugging me a 'little' tighter,....we look into each other's eyes when we talk now, something we didn't do before. And finally, the other day she went out of town with her mother...and emailed me a reminder to pick up our son...and in it she said 'Have a Super Day! I love you!!!' which is something I haven't heard or she has written to me in a LONG time! My heart stopped and I was in a trance all day...I wanted more of course, but I held back and just tried to be a friend that day. She'll go from that though, to seeming a bit cold to me. Sort of one step FWD, one step back.
Any suggestions? Am I on the right track? I love this woman to death and will work and wait as long as I have to for her to decide on what she wants - one way or another. It seems like since I've started respecting her wishes, giving her space and listening to her when she comes to me to talk, leaving her alone when she wants to be left alone...things like that have started to make a difference. This based on the fact that months ago she was AFRAID of me, didn't trust me AT ALL, wanted to leave, was so angry at me I couldn't hug or talk to her AT ALL and we came inches from splitting up, and holy crap I don't blame her. I was bad.
The 'today' me is more me than has ever been me and I love me! Me is awesome.
Something else - I've halted or reduced I should say - texting and emails to maybe 1 or 2 a day, and almost always something funny or just something nice to her. I guess I have this overwhelming fear that if I'm not there AGAIN, like I wasn't last summer, then things will go backwards....so I'm a bit leary of halting all communication, acting like I've moved on, etc. like I've read here in this forum. I'll do whatever it takes though - I'm just not a good actor ha!
Wrong? Right? I appreciate all help and suggestions!
Am I on the right for love again?