I am unsure what freezeout you are referring to. Prior to yesterday I had been off the boards for a few days battling a wicked case of bronchitis and only saw your update on Wed.

What I think is what I post. It seems you have ill feelings towards certain posters. Those are your feelings to have but lumping everybody together doesn't seem quite fair.

You may not see it but you do come across as terribly defensive. You and I don't seem to agree on much or share the same outlook but I don't feel I am attacking you. I am simply sharing my differing opinion.

While I understand you feel the main issue you wanted to discuss (friends and spouses) was not addressed to your satisfaction it seems you have not accepted that perhaps the majority of people feel it's best to not make an issue out of it. I can think of at least 10 reasons why *I* don't feel it's a good idea to bring it up to a spouse who wants out. That is not to say you are wrong or I am right. To me it's a mere difference of opinion and arguing about it (IMO) blocks the exchange of ideas (even if they do vastly differ).

Making changes can be about small shifts in the way you communicate verbally or through body language. It can be about anything really and doesn't always have to be some grand sweeping "thing". You said you are being more open about your job search and in turn, you are sensing your W appreciates that. Well, that is a change. It's nothing huge by any means but it is a small shift in behavior that is bringing more positivity to your R at this time.

As I said in an earlier post the experience I have had with my H for the past 28 months has been the most humbling (and painful) of my life. I don't see any room for arguing over who is more "right". I do think there are certain trends that most WAS seem to follow and that is why I personally subscribe to the belief that sometimes "doing nothing" is best when you are dealing w/a spouse staunch in their stance they want out. I don't believe that because somebody told me to. I believe it because I lived it for two years.

What I would gently suggest to you is to dedicate yourself to making "small shifts" that create positive momentum. Self evaluation doesn't mean there is something fundamentally wrong with you, it means you have a desire to keep growing and improving as a person. I don't know a person in the world that can't benefit from self evaluation and self improvement.