SC, you're letting your emotions get to you... take time. Never make any rash decisions in this. Remember, it takes a lot of time... take that time and make long, well thought out decisions.
SCH - Try to look at the past couple of months as H's peek out of the tunnel...and now he maybe retreating back in for a while...still needs to work on himself and process it all....
(((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Thanks M&H and Mila, but I don't think so. I do believe I am being very rational and not at all emotional. I am going to process an SA. I won't file as D. Then, if it means enough to him, we can keep working on our R. And if he doesn't come back, I will be able to start to get a grip on what I have to live on, and what sort of provisions I have to make for myself for the future. Right now the kids and I are way too vulnerable.
Tonight WH takes the kids to his family cottage for this beautiful weekend. Where all my neices and nephews and brother-in laws and sister-in laws will be, a family I have been with for decades. Everyone is welcome, EXCEPT ME. I am not invited.
This is so unbelievably cruel. I loved my husband, and my kids, and I worked so hard to contribute. What did I do to deserve this???? Why don't they care???
SC I read your last couple of posts Yes it is so difficult and we are very vunerable in the beginning there are many twists and we are constantly given information from our WAS that we usually dont want to see, hear or deal with Taking care of ourselves gives us time to figure it out and it takes a while to heal and start taking new directions first with our dealing of the WAS, our attempt to Stand, then for some of us our decision to move forward it takes time
sorry about the family get together--yes some things will be very painful to deal with and adjust to on this journey the pain is for a moment and usually leads to some kind of change in us for the better---more compassion or greater wisdom so embrace the moment if you have faith--stick close to that let things happen ..we have no control
so go easy on you in the end, what ive seen is the LBS usuallybecomes stronger than ever happy and changed for the good whether WAS returns or not- the odds of you becoming ok thru it all are very high shoot for that and if he returns its a plus if not you are ok still peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Today, WH argues with me by text message... says we're still reconciling, doesn't understand why I want a L.
I say, what reconciling? You live in another city and have NO plans to live with us, and go wherever you want with whomever you want.
He says he "must" live there to work, I am being incredibly inconsiderate. He also says he wont live with me again until he figures out how it won't be toxic.
He also says "exchanges like this don't convince me we've solved that problem yet".
and so on.
Basically, he says my point of view is not valid, should not be incorporated into his "plan", that he has NO plans to live with me, that I have no right to speak up and/or complain. AND THAT THIS IS RECONCILING??????
Tonight he gave me a brownie with a bite taken out of it, insulted me in front of the kids, and then left with the kids for the weekend.
Oh, then he let teenager read the entire exchange (I know because teenager tm'd me from WH's phone!!!!!!)
What do you read in the tm exchange, please tell me what you see, please!
I am so sorry that your H is doing what he is doing...
He is still confused...mlc=confusion. HE may think that he is taking action to reconcile...he is still blaming you...he has a different idea of what reconciling means than you do apparently!
Your H sounds like he is acting like the teenager and is probably why he shared the text with your teen. Like "see..."I" am trying to make this marraige work but your Mom...."
Was reading something HB said about the LBS being the "pillar of strength". Be the pillar SC!!!
Make a big deal of it when he brings the kids back...that they had a great time etc...make sure you do something nice for yourself while they are gone!
That is all you can do!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
I read that your H is still deep within the tunnel. He is making no sense whatsoever. This is classic MLC.
Why did you mention to your H that you were looking for a lawyer? That was one thing you definitely should have kept to yourself until your ducks were in a row. Even then you should let the lawyer handle the contact. By letting him know your intentions you as good as asked for this exchange. Do not let your H suck you into his drama. Just tell him you're sorry he feels this way and end the convo.
Pick yourself up, dust off and move forward. If ending your M is what you truly want to do, get your plan in place and don't say anything more to your H until your attorney advises you to do so.
SA, he knows I have a L. All contact regarding legal is always handled through HIS L and mine. But I have to keep initiating it because I've been trying to set up a SA for me and the kids almost a year now. WH won't submit any financial statements. He's holding almost all the money, and then getting mad at me when I pay bills.
