The Court of King Caractacus

[pearlharbr]

(((Lees)))

Yep, WAS say some really terrible, spiteful, hurtful things.

But you know you are worth better than that and you don't have to settle for being treated like that. You are a great person and you will find someone who realizes that.

[JacT]

You know My H never spewed..I was saying this to ImLin.He said he loved me always would,had great 28 years..WTF is that all about.At least if he had spewed just once I may have had some closure.I guess that whats unpredictable about MLC.
Lees you are a wonderful human being and a great catch, and will find happiness which may or not be with you W.Thats a great loss to her..and some day when she DOES come scurrying back you will be able to make an informed decision thats right for you.
Dont let bitterness take you over..not worth it..destroys you not her.
I have jhad a good day.Confidence rising that I will get a job soon and be able to look after my girls the way a mum wants to and should...I am not going to let him or that pig faced evil cow of a woman sestroy my life...no more hugs Lees we are all here ofr you..Its good to let it out.

[lees]

Hi aver, nice to see you here again.

Wow, lees, you are moving thru some powerful emotions. Moving through to the 'done' stage fairly quickly.

Yep, have to say I've never felt emotions like them, and it disturbs me a great deal to find myself so twisted up. Maybe I'm getting there too quickly, I don't know. But I wonder how much of my time and effort should really be wasted on a marriage that only lasted 6 months, with someone who obviously couldn't and still can't be bothered with it. It's not like there's any kids involved which would require protecting, or to require any kind of decent co-parenting relationship. The chances of reconciliation are so vanishingly small for our relationship I think, it's time to cut my losses. It's nearly 4 months we've been separated. Nearly as long as the time I had the wedding ring on my finger.

I have to believe that it is (relatively) easier for you to detach, be done, etc.

Absolutely. I have now reached the stage where all the foul weather friends IRL have gone back to their usual lives and are not interested in socialising with me anymore, I can't really talk about what has happened/is happening anymore for fear of alienating more people. I actually just hate both of them, and need to work on letting that go as I feel I'm quickly becoming bitter and twisted, tiring, and no fun to be around.

I know it is time. I have been putting off and putting off returning her call from Monday. I actually don't want to call her at all, so why bother? And if I'm not bothered about maintaining contact with her, there's not really any point in DB. Working on myself, yes, but it must have nothing to do with any hope of the resurrection of a thoroughly crispy phoenix.

They win. They have everything they wanted. I've made it easy for them to have it all. I don't see the point in continuing to hurt myself, prostrate myself, give of my time, give of my sanity for something which reaps no returns and is statistically doomed. I've lost my faith that working hard and living an honourable life reaps rewards. Seems to be crystal clear at the moment that they're having fun, and I'm struggling to work each day with the OW in my face, hold myself together, and pretend to be happy. I can't fight the tide of "forget about them both, they don't deserve you" any longer.

I am feeling awfully jealous about Scotland and Highland Games and all. Men in kilts...sigh...

Get on out there and have fun!

Will do. Just been let down by 3 of the people who were supposed to be coming with me. But I will have a good time anyway. Need to go and make sure that the unexpected £2000 chimney repairs have gone well, and that the cowboy tradesman has actually competed the work he was supposed to have done.

Date last night was fun. Another good friend for the future I think. And fantastic film at the cinema. Might have been an even more fun evening if the workplace joker hadn't imposed himself on us for the entirity of our time in the pub afterwards.

But there we go - I would say karma in action again messing up my life. But I don't believe in it anymore.

[lees]

How on earth have they both managed to cause such destruction without facing any consequences?

No child related consequences. No divorce consequences except her paying the £2k in legal fees/solicitor, and as she has plenty of money, that is no skin off her back. Still living in her nice house, with her nice car and nice job which won't change. She faces no consequence from her adulterous friends, and doesn't seem to care about her family.

Scott free. Absolutely scott free and blissfully happy and in love with OW. No reality to come and bite for either of them.

[JacT]

Lees..you need to let the anger get out and there is a lot more to come..I know that..but it does ease a little.I have told you the story bout my mum and dad.An A that lasted 45+ years into a marriage and mum is miserable..totally..drink is her only companion now and she has to look after dad who had a lobectomny 06 and came out of in Jan after 5 months.He shouldnt be alive..had psuedonomas and some other streppacoccle infection as well as chrronic heart failure,had an aeortic pump in for 3 weeks,(trying to give you a laugh with my medical terms!).Joking aside she believes he fights to live just to stay and make her miserable.
God has a way of ensuring people who have been less than good feel the pain of their actions.Unfortunatley we are not always aware or can be there to take part(would love to slowly torture OW).They will pay for their cruelty and infidelities..I promise.I have seen it(my dads ex wife hasnt).My dad lost a son he never knew because of his selfish behaviour.
Dont let your Scottish visit go to waste.If you want to catch up and have dinner,I would love to meet you and you can meet my girls too.
You are not alone you have many people rooting for you no matter what happens..take care and dont let them destroy you..((hugs))

[lees]

How on earth will I manage to work another 14 months with the OW in my face? I can't bear the thought of leaving work to find the STBXW sitting in the car at the entrance waiting for her so they can go off on another tryst. I'm scared I'll damage either or both of them.

She's now trying to ingratiate herself into the STBX's family with helping the farm hands "find work" on the hospital small ads website according to the BIL. The OW is on the phone/txt/email to STBX all the time at work, planning things, asking for her support over her own coming out/unaccepting family issues. She gloats constantly. Smiles sweetly at me with that knowing look of "I got what I wanted, and look at you, you sad, pathetic thing."

I cannot cope with this any longer. I think I've finally fallen apart. How can I have been so nieve?

[pearlharbr]

Lees, I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is having to see OW every day. Blech. I would so want to just let her have it.

As hard as it is, you must be the better person. Don't sink to their level because you ARE better than that! OW may be smug now, but you and she both know that STBX can and probably will leave her for the next OW. There is no way she can be confident in their R. And besides, OW & STX are both lying cheats--they deserve each other. YOU deserve much, much better. They are the ones settling for dregs. STBX traded down and you will be trading up!

Do not let them see you looking sad and miserable. Remind yourself that you have a bright future ahead and project that confidence. Fake it if you have to, eventually you won't be faking it because you will believe it. You can cry, scream, and otherwise let it out when you're in private.

Remember, the best revenge is a life lived well.

And yes, I know it all sounds like drivel when you're miserable. But it is true and you will get through this.

Time for more GAL activities and whatever else makes you happy.

I'm off on vacation for the next 10 days. Didn't want you to think I'm abandoning you. See you in June!

[avermont]

Oh, dear, lees, you are in SUCH a hard place right now.

Coping with the OW at work every day is a horrible horrible mental and emotional strain.

We have all been where you are. "They won. I lost. They are going to be happy forever, and I will be miserable. I was so naive."

These are horrible terrible feelings. And you won't believe me--but they are feelings, not facts.

We DON'T know what will happen; how they will be; how we will feel.

Two suggestions:

Look up "The Work" by Bryron Katie. VERY powerful. I worked through "OW took my entire life." "I need X to forgive me." "I have nothing and they have everything." "all my friends are tired of supporting me." I worked through these painful thoughts, and am about 85% done with them--I don't believe them anymore. (much or all the time, at any rate)

Look up: The Journey from Abandonment to Healing. I found the first chapter "shattering" really helpful as it truly described the feelings/body reactions we are going through.

You CAN cope. Even if you cope ONE second at a time, you ARE coping. And you will keep coping. Why? Why, if for no other reason than to not give them the satisfaction of seeing you fall apart!

If a burning desire to live out a "f-u, too" is what you need right now to keep going, then use it. We will be here to remind you when it is time to let go of the anger, so you don't truly become all twisted and angry and bitter.

Because the best lees is a DOCTOR. Which means she cares about people. Which means she can't and won't become all angry and twisted and bitter. She will keep her heart and mind open to heal others and herself. The care which you give your patients--the love and desire to comfort--give to yourself, too.

And who doesn't want their daughter to marry a doctor??!!

Keep venting it out here, lees, and keep it together at the workplace.

Now, go off and enjoy some men in kilts for me!

((lees))

[lees]

Hi pearl! Have a fabulous holiday and I'll definitely catch up with you in June.

Hi JacT too - are you on the alt? Would love to hook up whilst I'm up north.

Had an OK day today at work. Nothing exciting except nearly losing my trousers on the way to a trauma call as I hurtled down 5 floors worth of stairs - really must buy some more or put some weight back on! I think it must have looked quite comical to the rest of the ICU and paeds teams running with me.

I've been strong so far. Haven't let any misery or sadness out whilst at work except in private confines to my friends there. None of them would talk to her except professionally.

I'm just so up and down at the moment, I'm sure some of it is PMS as well.

GAL is going fine. Been running again, which is lovely in the sunshine. Spent a wonderful evening with a new friend (another date lol) at the cinema earlier this week and will definitely be seeing her again - we had such a laugh. I forsee us becoming really very close mates, we just clicked really well. Shame I'm not really attracted to her physically, no can that thought, not ready to go there yet anyway. Tonight the remaining mutual friend is coming round for dinner and catch up, I need to give her her birthday present so it should be a nice night in.

And then the next week is uberbusy. I'm working all weekend in the ER, off Monday but have to prepare for course I'm instructing on Tue/Wed. APLS is always great fun but very hard work, and the dinner on the first evening is always a riot. Thursday I'm paintballing with colleagues, and Fri just a normal day at work before setting off for Scotland on Sunday with one friend in the car and another joining us towards the end of the week.

Promise I will accost some men in kilts for you all, especially Aver!

You lot are fantastic. Really keep me going, and give me hope that I will survive this. Thank you.

[JacT]

Glad to hear you are being strong in work..shes not worth it..should have kicked down the stairs..witch..I am probably a good hour and half from Fife.What route do you take?
well heres an update on my sitch which is not much better.(Sorry Lees on the alt??)
Well had a cr*p day today.A mutal friend of H and I visited.He saw him last night and a couple weeks ago for a beer.Last night they were with a third friend who knows us.He couldnt believe he never mentioned the girls.He was on holiday with the bike and they have decided they are moving.(clearly doesnt like the horrible 2 bedroom council owned flat they are in..think it might be the grafitti or the druggies???)I have to accept he is happy.He says he trying with the girls..sending same txt everyday is trying??
He still really cares for me bullsh*t.Wish he would do some spewing..still not telling all the bad stuff hes doin..but he's a liar and cheat..still no mention of D.Wondering if he has decided to go for half of everything?

Lees keep doin what is good for you....