OIN Every SPOUSE who is wayward, particularly if they are CHEATING while wayward will do the followoing :
a. drudge up five, ten, even twenty years of history b. rewrite that history into something inaccurate c. blame you for the failure of the marriage d. insist that the marriage should never have happened e. refuse to talk to a counselor/therapist f. nay say that rebuilding the marriage isn't possible g. insist that its "too late" h. drop old friends and make new wreckless ones i. isolate themselves from anyone who may actually help j. escape into fantasy (novels, poetry, internet gaming, bar-hopping, etc)
Your wife's druging up the past isn't important. YOu have to IGNORE it and NOT let that drive you away. You keep taking what she says to heart. It's right in DR, that you need to steel yourself from the crap your spouse throws at you when you are having problems... I gave you a whole list above that's common... DR includes more as well
You need to stop taking her communication seriously... This is right out of the book... It's DB 101. IGNORE her complaints.
There IS some use to them, but reacting emotionally by allowing them to leave you feeling hopeless and defeated is exactly what you DON'T want resulting.
a. your wife feels hopeless and defeated b. your wife then spews garbage at you to SHARE how hopeless and defeated she feels c. you react by wallowing in it d. you get on the phone or whatever in order to help things improve e. things just get worse and you end up blamed for it all
... Not good
I dunno, I may be way off here, but it looks like every time your wife has some drama going on with OM and the mess SHE MADE you want to dive in to rescue her and it ends up with
a. A bigger mess b. You being painted out as the bad guy
I don't see how this dynamic you have with her is at all constructive...
