Some days I have doubts, like today, that I'm not making a big mistake that H is in MLC. H just seems to be gliding right along. OW on the side, no waves being made by me, he just spends 1/2 his time with her and half at the house. I never raise any issues and neither does he. It's truly like we are roommates and he's just done with me.
There are clues, of course, that things are not OK with him. They're few and far between. I guess no one MLC is the same and this just is a bit smoother with not as much anger and the blaming and anger were short lived. His replay just seems to be so smooth, so calm... it's disquieting, to say the least.
So, I'm just going on with my life like nothing is amiss. -God is a big part of it now, I pray a lot and he answers my prayers in ways that I am surprised at entirely. I KNOW he's working on H's heart, but I don't see the fruits of that yet. -I'm planning on projects around my house, trying to get it under control and looking pretty again. Hoping to entertain there soon, before the summer really hits. I have HUGE projects to get done, like planting a whole yard full of grass with no sprinkler system to water it with. Sigh (we have well water and no pressure so it's very difficult if not impossible to get a lawn going, plus the turkeys ate everything) -I'm working out daily at the gym, but still not getting my eating under control. It's like I impulsively eat, and can't seem to control it when I'm doing it. Any suggestions, I'm open. I think that the stress I'm supressing is coming out in destructive eating -I bought some canvas yesterday and have some paintings planned, going to start with a twilight scene in the woods and there's a path. Something I saw in a dream, I was on the path and the brush gets very dense at times. Later, I have another picture that is further back in perspective and it's a mountain, with a path going up that splits and then meets a few times on the way up, finally meeting at the very top of the mountain. Another vision. H is on one path and I'm on the other. My path is shorter, so I have time to stop along the way and enjoy the view, pray to the Father, etc. H has a windy path that seems to take forever to reach the top of the mountain. If I rush along the shorter path, there's a chance that I can reach the top too fast and get impatient waiting for him and start back down the mountain in disappointment, before he reaches it. Then when he gets there, he may see signs of me being there before him, but I'll already be gone. Therefore, this vision showed me that I must take my time, and really enjoy the path - the journey itself - and not rush to the finish line.
I'm going to be doing some work around the house that H, my procrastinator H, has never gotten to. Can't wait to start on them, should take me less than a few hours to get it all done.
I have an appt on Monday to file bankruptcy, which I'm looking at as a new beginning. Hope H sees it that way when we meet at lunch.
