Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. It could mean the ability to parent amicably together, or a possible friendship in the future. Trust is different to forgiveness ... it certainly takes time and work on the part of one who committed the offense (the affair in this case). Your WAW does not seem to be the type who would want to put in the effort ... perhaps, at first, but I think it may peter out, but that's just my impression of her, through you.
Thinking of ya!
Thanks for hangin' in here BeingMe.
I am similarly skeptical about her ability to put in the effort. I have to admit though, she has consistently been kind to me, for a year now. Other than suing me of course! LOL! This lawsuit thing is so weird, I just don't get it. She sees how I am with the kids, I can't believe she really wants to take them from me. She sent me a proposed schedule where I would get the kids two evenings per week, and every other weekend. Sorry, not gonna happen. She also said she'd be agreeable to me having them more in the summers, provided I don't put them in the care of a babysitter, or stepmom. Wow!
During our recent time together, she has slid in casual questions about whether I've thought about moving to a new house, and also about a possible trip to Disney World. I feel like I'm involved in some secret interview process or something.
I keep thinking back to what she said back in January during our contentious separation discussion. She said, in reference to her A, "You'll always hold it over me!" Then a couple weeks ago during our talk she said "I've realized I'm not afraid of you any more." I was surprised, and I asked her why she was afraid of me and she said "I don't know", but I know, she was afraid of retribution because of her A. She said she was shocked that I didn't react to her lawsuit with some sort of counter attack. She said it made her believe she could be with me again. That is exactly counter to what is often the case, that only when faced with a strong legal threat do they express hollow desire for reconciliation.
Appears to me she has a secret deep seated guilt over what she did. She's looking for sort of indication from me that I can forgive her and ease that guilt. She wants us to be "right" with each other, but she stubbornly won't give me what I need, a clear declaration of remorse. I keep going back and forth as to whether I should require that declaration up front, or trust that it will come as she re-attaches to me, and feels safe with me.
I appreciate that you realize your impression of her is through me. I write a lot of words here, but it's not the same as seeing her and talking with her. I wonder what you all would think if you could be a fly on the wall and see and hear for yourself. Would you think "Wow, she is a master manipulator", or would you think "She is being open and honest with Future"?
