Hi HM, It sort of seems cliche or fashionable around here to say, "It's an affair." but I'm gonna vote with Puppy on this one. This stinks of affair. If I had to put money down, he is seeing someone at work and he has a pre-paid cell phone. After being around these boards for a few years now, the patterns are amazingly predictable. Even your responses to Puppy's posts are standard issue.
The wife (or husband) is always the last to know as they seem armed with some kind of blinders that keep them from seeing it.
If he is wafffling, you are NOT 100% done. It would be most useful to your situation to absolutely know what you are dealing with.
Quote:
He has encouraged me to buy a new place and move on and if he decides to come back in the future hopefully I will take him back but he just cannot deal with it right now.
This is something woman seem to say more than men, but interpreted with a bullsh!t filter applied, this means, "I'll be home if the affair doesn't turn out to be all I had thought it would be. Hopefully you'll be waiting around for me."
Last edited by DownNotOut...yet; 05/18/1009:44 PM.
Me 44 She 46 S13 D9 M18 T23 3 years DB'ing Successfully busted
My husband is asking for time alone with the kids overnight, he wants me to leave the house and he stays there with them. The kids are not excited about this but I am looking for advice on how to handle this situation.
m-34 w-33 d-15 s-10 m-11 years t-16 years bomb - Feb 24/10
I would say absolutely not. Boundaries are a popular buzz word around here lately...You do not have to be nasty but HE moved out. He does NOT live there any more. Why in gods earth would you leave YOUR house and sleep somewhere else overnight. He left you, now he wants you to make his leaving convenient for him? NO NO NO and NO!!!
He will absolutely be angry about this but if you allow this, it will be the first step in him learning he can come and go as he pleases. Limbo like that can go on for years.
He will tell you, you are keeping him from his kids. He should of thought of that before he left his kids. Do not cave in to guilt or manipulation.
Feeling consequences for his actions will get him thinking. The longer he is out of the house, the better chance you have of getting the house in any settlement. Tell him NO and did I mention tell him NO!
Me 44 She 46 S13 D9 M18 T23 3 years DB'ing Successfully busted
Thank you so much! My counsellor just told me the same thing and wow did you nail it on the head. He has already done the manipulation thing and telling me that his relationship with the kids is so bad right now because he is not around enough and does not get to send them off to school and such. And of course this is all my fault. He is tired of everyone telling him that he left and these are his consequences but the truth hurts. I have even gotten a second job to ensure I am out of the house at least 2 nights a week and 2 weekends a month so that he can spend time with the kids (as they will not go anywhere with him) so I think I have done my duty, he just made me feel really guilty the other day and that was why I was waivering. So thank you very much.
m-34 w-33 d-15 s-10 m-11 years t-16 years bomb - Feb 24/10
So I just found out that my husband has just opened a new bank account and I guess it is only a matter of time before he takes away his money and then I have no idea how I am going to pay for anything. I knew this was going to happen but for some reason it has made me start to panic and I do not know how to handle that. I realize that he has to give me support but I need his entire cheque to cover all of our expenses, I guess this step just makes me realize he really is done and is moving on.
m-34 w-33 d-15 s-10 m-11 years t-16 years bomb - Feb 24/10
I have about 6 weeks ago and techinically he only owes me child support, however then we will lose the house which will only screw him over when he tries to buy a new one. He swears he is not taking his money away anytime soon but I cannot trust that. He may just end up giving me enough to cover the mortgage and that is all which does not help with the rest of the debt we accumulated together!
m-34 w-33 d-15 s-10 m-11 years t-16 years bomb - Feb 24/10
This is what I came into work to, I am so devastated.
I am e-mailing you with something that you will find very difficult. I went to see my lawyer to start the Separation proceedings, on Tuesday. I would have preferred to discuss this in person with you, however with our latest interaction on Saturday; I believe it would not be in either of our best interests to discuss this that way. Of recent I have been very frustrated about my visitation with the kids, the house sale and our finances. I understand that this is very hurtful topic for you, as well as myself and I am sure you think I am moving too fast on this. However, from our conversation on Saturday I realized certain things will never happen for me if I do not start in this direction. If I am ever going to purchase a house or rent in St.Adolphe, so S10 can attend school there, I have to get things in place that are fair to both of us. I realize that you are not in as much of a rush to sell the house, because you do not have a place to move to or your new home is not ready till October. But I do not want to live with family for the next year and not be able to have a home ( rent or buy )that D15 or S10 can stay with me at.
I would like to be as fair and understanding as possible. I would like to have a Separation Agreement drafted up between you, me and our lawyers. I believe this would be less confrontational of the two options we have and be the less of a financial hit. If you could have a lawyer within the next couple of weeks so that we can set up a meeting time.
My lawyer advised me to discuss with you a time of separation. I would like to suggest that it be December 31, 2009 as this would make more sense during the tax filing time. However it can be the day that I moved out as well.
In no way is this a retaliation attempt to hurt you or to cause you more stress for the weekend, but I feel that I need to move forward. I am hoping that with this we can come to an understanding on a price for the house to hasten the sale, whether it is the options I proposed earlier or just reducing the price. An understanding and dates we share custody of the kids. As well as our finances.
m-34 w-33 d-15 s-10 m-11 years t-16 years bomb - Feb 24/10
