need help with communication/DB strategy

[flowmom]

I, too, suspect there is an OW. There is plenty of opportunity for your H to meet someone, you went through an emotional trauma, he is speaking the script of wandering spouses, and he doesn't want you to see his apartment. RED FLAG!

^^^^YES

ASSUME there is an OW, as I am (I have no info). And understand how that may be affecting his communication and thought processes because a WAH in an A can be hurtful in ways that are totally uncharacteristic of him.