"i feel like i'm at crossroads. i either don't make the effort to db and go for the jugular. or db and take the chance that it still may not save the m." Which one is more productive?
Which one is likely to move you forward?
i don't know. both are terminal. it's the foxhole scenario. you're gonna die either way. death by firing squad or guillotine.
i don't know which one will allow me to move forward. i want to rewind the last nine years. i don't want to allow myself to ever feel again. i was happy by myself. i didn't give myself away. i didn't open myself up to love someone. if i feel foolish, it's because i gave myself away to someone who eventually walked away. and i know you get it. i think for me .. i guarded it and now i just f*king hate everyone.
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The goal.. is not to save your marriage. You have to save yourself first.. and foremost. This "stitch" will make you do all kinds of un-natural things. So much Emotion.. it just drives you to make bad choices. What does going for the jugular get you in the long run? Does it really help you.. or do you just think it will make you feel better?
you know. just like the one night stand. you don't know if it's going to help or not. it just gave me an idea. there is a guy who h can't stand. mainly because this guy wanted me. i was stupid and chose h over him. i should call him up. found my perfect one night stand. hey .. he might even be stbxh's replacement. that should hurt the jugular, ego, and everything else. it will be all over the workplace. h would have to quit his job.
houston .. we have a plan.
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Maybe. If you do that.. you need to make sure that you understand you can't sleep with this person.. you can't kiss. Does not matter if you are dating someone random.. or your H. You are not in a position to build a good relationship with anyone right now. Don't fall prey to the Emotion.. it will be a hollow and un-fulfilling experience for you.
if i suspect that stbxh is doing that. there is no reason why i shouldn't. i don't know if it will be unfulfilling if i don't try. don't tempt me forrest.
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"after all, my h left me so technically i'm not really married anymore."
Until you have the papers.. signed sealed and delivered.. you are married. Simple as that!
coach said the brutal reality is i'm divorced. so i should be able to do whatever i want. the ring is off today. it is my step forward. i would have put it in my coffee grinder but .. i don't know if it will grind platinum.
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A big part of it is. You keep missing the point that it starts with you. Baby steps!! Everything starts with something simple. Then you build on that. You can't work on saving your marriage if you are acting a fool. You can't. Trust me.. I tried. There is no quick fix. It is a process. You can't jump ahead.. you need the foundation in place.
you don't know how many people have said the words "move on" or "he's likely too far ahead" or "you don't need that. there are more fish in the sea. you'll find someone who appreciates you". if i hear another "move on" and "you'll find someone else" comment .. i will f*king lose it. i could just be one of those people you said have dug themselves in such a big hole that it's too late. maybe that's me.
i think i can see that the process is going to take a long time. i'm too old, damaged goods. i might as well sell myself to the highest bidder. after all, i am a gold digger who marries people for their money, right?
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I'll keep harping on ya.. I know you are still listening. It's ok if you don't believe me yet. It will hit you one day.. like a ton o bricks. We are getting there. I see the real you squirming around in there!
i think you know i'm digging into you. i don't want to be complacent. i don't want to wait around. i want to suppress this part of me and work on the part of me that is still going. which is my job/career. i'm not interested in saving myself. that part of me is dead already.
