Well here's mine

[Barkley]

OK.....BAAAAD counseling session yesterday. Apparently, her feelings have not changed in the last 3 months since I have made the changes in my life. She has been unable to "forgive me" in her heart yet and is frustrated and still trying. I am now 100% convinced there is no affair going on (let's just say I have my reasons). In any event, yesterday's session prompted this e-mail exchange (starting from me to her):

From: Sent: Wednesday, May 19, 2010 4:29 PM
To:
Subject: Today


XXX,


The kids and I love you very much. We all want you to be happy! In the 18 years we have been together, I have known you to be nothing but a sweet wonderful person. Lean on me. Talk to me. I am here for you!.


I have tried to make changes in my personal life to help and will continue to do such. I am fully committed! What else do you need me to do?


Over the last year, I think you have tried many things hoping that they would make you happy (the boob job, new car, more money, going out with friends and partying, etc., etc.). Unfortunately, they have only helped for a short period of time; and you are still unhappy. These "things" have not been the answer and never will be; so there must be something else i.e. (depression, midlife crisis or something from childhood).


Millions of people suffer from depression. It is nothing to be ashamed of. Would it not be worth seeking therapy or medication NOW? Remember my OCD. I could not think clearly or logically and it took every ounce of will that I had to even get out of bed in the morning. Everything I have read and seen says "if you suffer from depression (wanting to curl up and die) for more than 3 weeks, you should seek
proffesional help". Depression is a chemical imbalance that can be helped with medication and therapy. Why not give it a try?


Life is really hard sometimes. We are so lucky to have 3 wonderful healthy children. The harder we look for happiness in this materialistic world, the further away such becomes.


Again, I love you and want to do all to help, however, I am also human with limitations. In fact, I am also “numb” right now. The constant going out and partying has me somewhat emotionally detached from you with the “feeling” of love not there. All of that said, when we stood on that altar together 14 years ago, I committed myself to GOD and to you to make this marriage work. I intend to do everything in my power to make that happen.

(Her Response)

From: Sent: Thursday, May 20, 2010 8:47 AM
To:
Subject: RE: Today

You are doing good and with counseling I think we are doing all that we can and with time hopefully things will get better.

I honestly do not think I have a problem with depression…I have never felt I didn’t want to get out of bed. I had 3 separate days of deep depression and I do think it was from this situation…I’m not going to go through this joyfully. So, I think you have it backwards.

Not sure why you are bringing up more money because I didn’t seek that…I was seeking a job with equal pay, but I thought would be rewarding spiritually as well because it was a Catholic School. If you are saying choosing to stay at Awty because of the large increase in pay was me seeking a material happiness is a shock to me. I got the others because I was financially able to do so and it was something I always wanted.

I know you are taking responsibility for your actions but at the same time you are trying to shift the blame to depression or a midlife crisis and I truly believe this is wrong. I guess it’s hard for you to believe your actions caused this or else you wouldn’t have done it, but I’m telling you they did and in regards to forgiveness I continually forgave you for 10 years and maybe a person reaches a point they can’t do it anymore. I don’t want you to think I’ve given up…I’m just as frustrated because of course I want to keep our family together and I’m just hoping we can reverse the damage that has been done on the inside.


(From me back to her)

Ok

It’s just such a shock to me that you were so unhappy for so long without letting me know how serious it was

When I think about forgiveness, I think it is something that you give to people who PURPOSELY harm you, not to those who were just plain ignorant and stupid (like me)

I am very sorry that I hurt you over the years, but had I known the seriousness of my actions, I would have stopped in a heartbeat, that is what is so frustrating for me about your feelings. You said yourself that you know it was not purposely to harm you. I just can’t get this straight in my head

I see all the bad husbands out there who are:

1) Purposely hurtful to their wives and families, verbally or physically
2) Cheaters
3) Can’t hold down a job or won’t support their families
4) Out all the time

I was none of these things and in my mind, I just thought “ok, I drink too much sometimes and need to help out more – she is angry right now and I will try and do better”

I can’t change the past…..all I can do is move forward and I am sorry I hurt you all of those years


(Her Response)

And I think you must understand me…I’m unlike most wives…I forgave you time and time again…most wives would have been raging bitches and not put up with it in the first place and in fact probably the reason I did was because of the rough family life I had as a child so it wasn’t as shocking. Laura and I were actually talking about that this morning (nothing against you…she more than anything wants us to work it out and is totally supporting me in that direction). I guess we were talking about when I was younger and I said how violent my dad was and she never knew this and she said that is probably what made me accept your anger outburst, because to her she had never experienced this and she said the first time she saw you get mad and throw the remote she was like oh my gosh we need to call the police this guy is a lunatic. Do you get what I’m saying?

I used to believe a person can choose to be happy or dwell on the negative and I remember telling your mom this several years ago. But, I think the truth is you can’t hold in the unhappy feelings forever.

(Me back to her)

Anger?…..I never even knew that was an issue. Now I know about that too

I am truly sorry and am doing everything I can to rectify the situation

(Her Response)

Yea, it’s great to be around…

I know…


I would really like to get ya'll's take on this.....especially a women's