Am I a bad person to say that I'm happy that this happened last night?
No, it's a tough thing to live a secret life and pretend everything is not as it really is. You can lose your integrity doing that. It is probably a relief that it is out in the open.
Now you don't have to pretend anymore.
It really wasn't a secret because she's seen the aftermath and has witnessed how he would speak to me.. but she had never been in the room or been at the receiving end of it. it was always he said, she said.
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
When was the last time your husband has been overseas?
He came back a few weeks ago.
he is still in contact with this other woman?!?
no, thank god. she is pregnant with some other guy's baby and is engaged.
last he had any contact at all was last week when I received a random email message (and I know that it was from his former employees overseas) mentioning the OW and he called up OW to curse her out and accused her of ruining his life and trying to ruin his family...he thought she sent it. I don't believe she did though..
before that, he hadn't had any contact since November/December.
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
Am I a bad person to say that I'm happy that this happened last night? that his mother got the backlash and can relate to it for once? I felt vindicated.. I felt like he had had me going in such circles for such a long time that it was finally out in the open. Like proof that I'm not crazy. Like someone was finally seeing that I'm not lying or making this stuff up.
That doesn't make you a bad person at all! His behaviour is abusive, and you deserve so much better. I'm so glad and relieved for you that it's out in the open now, and that you've got your MIL's support.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
PG, he was unreal. Saying to me, YOU'RE going to your mothers with the kids and I'm leaving. wtf does he think he is? that's why his mother told him to get the eff out of the house.
He has been texting me all morning asking for the kids and asking when his mother is going to leave. he then said that he is getting the rest of his things and that we'll figure out the rest later. whatever.
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
Through it all, I feel strong. I feel like I just want to throw him out fully and live my life. I hate this vicious cycle.
WOW is right. What an ordeal and to come through it feeling strong and ready to live your life... good for you Time, I'm amazed by your resilience and strength of character. Big hugs to you and all the support in the world. What kind of plan can you put into place now? You said he was packing his stuff - has he left the house at this point then? And, how long will your MIL be there? I hope she'll be staying for a few days at least for the continued support. I must say I'm concerned for you with him displaying that erratic behaviour to that extent. The yelling and pushing sound frightening.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Does anyone have any reading materials on depression? I want to read up on it. thanks.
Time, there is a great resource that is free on about.com. About.com This particular link is part for helping someone else who is having depression issues. But there are tests and other helpfull things out there and they are free. I thought particular interest in the article is point 6. "6. Remember that the depressed person's behavior isn't indicative of the "real" person. The depressed person has impaired social skills. They may be withdrawn and shy or sullen and angry. When the depressed person lashes out in anger, it's because they're actually angry with themselves and the way they feel. You just happen to be there. When your spouse or significant other doesn't feel like having sex, don't take it personally. Loss of sex drive is a classic symptom of depression, as well as the medications used to treat it. It doesn't mean they don't love you."
But you may also want to look up Bi-polar disorder just to be aware of those symptoms as well. About.com is a very good resource.
PG, he was unreal. Saying to me, YOU'RE going to your mothers with the kids and I'm leaving. wtf does he think he is? that's why his mother told him to get the eff out of the house.
He has been texting me all morning asking for the kids and asking when his mother is going to leave. he then said that he is getting the rest of his things and that we'll figure out the rest later. whatever.
Oh I was sending you a post just as you were sending this one... again, this sounds very concerning - a little frightening Time... I'm glad your MIL is still there, but is there anyone else you'll be able to call or have present when he's back at the house for support?
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
yeah, the bipolar disorder is another thing that I thought of as well.
He started packing his stuff last night (clothees) but ended up leaving without anything other than his laptop backbag.. even put his wedding ring on while he was packing which I found funny lol
He said he was going to come sometime today to get the rest of the stuff and wanted to know when MIL was leaving.
MIL is here until Tuesday but she is leaving my (her) house to go to her beach condo for the rest of her trip. she wants to be away from him.
they hadn't spoken in like 2 years and only reconnected this past November and he literally brought up every bit of that argument and everything that happened during that time in the argument last night.
He has alot of resentment issues.. but rather than deal with them, he just continues to run.
Thanks SMM23.
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
