Nothing fits

[mishka422]

I've been holding off on starting a new thread because I just don't know where I belong. I feel like I'm hanging in limbo again and it's causing me more confusion than ever.

Life with Gabe is rolling along in such a normal fashion that it scares me. He is like the man I once knew. Funny, kind, joking and laughing with me, sarcastic, helpful. All the things he stopped being for over 3 years. We had a conversation last night that has made me somewhat hopeful and terrified all at the same time. He was showing me a suit he picked up at a thrift store for $8 (NICE suit BTW) and was asking my opinion of it and what color tie, etc. I told him he looked very nice in it and we could go looking for a tie this weekend some time. He smiled at me and became a little teary eyed. He said he is an idiot but in a half-joking manner. I tried to be light about it and said, "Now what would make you say you're an idiot? Is it your lack of taste in ties?" He just hugged me and didn't say anything for a while. Then he pulled back, was crying a little more, and said, "I've just made a lot of really bad decisions."

He didn't expand on that and I didn't push for specifics but I did say that we all make bad decisions and it's what we do to fix them that counts. He smiled and hugged me again and that was it.

I have another potential problem though. Mom is being released from the rehab center tomorrow morning. She knows that Gabe and I are getting along well, that he is helping me with a lot of things, and that we talk all the time via text and phone. She asked me the other day why that is and I just said that I'm not sure what is going on but it's been really nice. Last night I expanded a little on that with her but didn't give her any specifics. How the heck do I tell her that we're sleeping together but that I have no idea if that is leading anywhere or if this is just a mutual comfort thing? I have to tell her before she comes home tomorrow so she's not shocked. I've never been able to have serious conversations with my mom about my personal life so this is very uncomfortable for me.