The countdown continues

[FindingMyVoice]

Hi Awoken
Oh I'm so glad to hear you've reconnected with one of your sisters, and that you've allowed her to support you through everything that's been going on. I was quite caught when you mentioned you hadn't really been able to reach back to other folks when they've offered support. I've been learning about that myself this week too. Learning to ask for support, and becoming comfortable receiving it, are two entirely different things, aren't they? And another catch/22...those feelings of humiliation likely prevent you from being able to reach out for support; but it's that very support that will help you to overcome feeling that way. All those kind people who are reaching out to you will not judge you Awoken (nor does anyone here, I might add) - they want to help. I'm sorry you're carrying such undeserved feelings. Hugs to you today my friend.

The time I had for friends, I dedicated to her friends and family.

That's interesting - 12bar had mentioned on my thread that his M was like that too, and I've had a similar experience. It's so important to foster one's own circle of friends and family isn't it. But glad to hear that you do have a group of close musician friends - hopefully in the days to come you'll find ways to connect more with them too, despite the challenges with schedules.

You are right that I've poured the majority of my energy into taking care of my kids, and now that I'm home alone with out them to take care of my emotions can come down on me. It's like I put them on pause. I need to get busy taking better care of myself. I'm so glad you pointed this out.

It sure sounds like you work alot too, between teaching and performing (although I'm sure your music is likely what you do for fun too - I'm an artist & illustrator, so perhaps similar in that it's fun but it's still work.) Do you get much free time for other fun social activities?

After reading your post, I called and asked for another appointment.

Your last appt was in April??!!! Good grief I'm glad you booked another one! Again, you deserve the support Awoken.

I think I'm just having a hard time with the idea that my entire marriage may have been a charade/masquerade.

(((Awoken))) I'm sorry to hear this. From what you've written here though, you've taken some very positive steps to help yourself heal. Good for you, that shows how strong your spirit is - hang in there, better days are coming. Will be thinking of you today. PS what a beautiful voice that singer has, lovely music too.