I am back...and finding me

[ericmsant2]

Lost -

1) Why am I willing to help W with the financial affidavit?-Because you are a genuinely nice guy. There really is nothing wrong with that since it is who you are.

I still wonder if this is controling or enabling behavior. Why do I still feel obligated to help her when all she does is "kick me". Why? I keep searching for this answer. Is it that I am doing some to "repay" the errors that I made in the M? Who knows...who knows..

It will take time to heal.

I understand this...I do. I just wish the pain and sorrow that I feel will go away. I understand that I need to feel it. I need to realize what the actions in the M caused. No I cannot dwell on it but I do need to feel it.

When you let it.

Okay...maybe a stupid question but I wonder when will I let it. FTR, if you happen to have a pill or some meds for this let me know. We can probably market it. I would suggest that we hand it out free of charge.

Because you are becoming the Father you wanted to be all along.

That I am my friend...that I am. I think I still may be overcompenstation and this is something I need to work on.

I hear the weather is supposed to great up that way

Suppose to be 85 today. The top of the jeep is off and (Mach and Grit may appreciate this)....I'm wearing a soft pink shirt

Yesterday was an interesting day...W was off and still did not spend quality time with the kids. She was not home when they arrived from school. It still pisses me off that she is so damn selfish right now. So focused on HER needs. I know..I know..this means that I have still not detached enough. I need to continue to get to the point where her actions do not impact how I feel. I guess another way to look at it is that for years she was home with the kids - so I guess as she as said before "this is about me".

I find that I am still processing some of the anger. Still feel a little hurt. Still see the role I played in this but happy that at least I know that I am at WORK on ME.

Thanks for the response Lost.

Cat - your right...I still have "work to do".

God Bless,
Eric