What to do when their friends suggest leaving?

[Bummedout]

Thanks IDU,
Yea, with my Ex, pretty much EVERY time she "got temporarily nice" it meant the sword of Damocles was about to swing in the very near future.

CG,
I'm not mean to everyone. I'm 'mean' to a few people . . .who are generally rather mean and judgmental, who don't like their unsolicited, rudely proffered opinions to be questioned or dismissed by newcomers.

As for what I plan on doing . . . I'm doing it. I'm looking for work, just like I have been, I'm just talkng about it a little more and doing it while she's around, and it seems to help.

As for 'changing' myself, I'm not really focused on that at all. Not that I'm perfect, but, and I don't care if this sounds conceited or not, I'm a pretty good guy. I wasn't taking her for granted. I'm respectful of her opinions and thoughts. I do my fair share of chores, at least I think I do, and since I'm not working regularly, I do almost all the laundry, vacuuming, etc.

I'm sorry if this simply doesn't fit in with what folks want around here . . .which seems essentially to attempt to get me to 'blame myself' for her having second thoughts. Like I've said from the very beginning, and nothing I've seen, here or in my relationship, leads me to believe it really is a problem with something I'm doing wrong or not doing 'right'.

I really do feel that pressures on her that are really outside of my control were being transferred/redirected at me. Frankly, I find it odd that this is such a difficult concept for many here to understand.

It's like it never occurs to folks that maybe it isn't my fault. After all "Bummed won't listen to our unsolicited and unwanted advice and character assessment on issues he never even raised and made clear he wasn't ready to discuss. How dare he! And to actually tell us! Mind our own business? The Audacity!!"

You aren't nearly as Rude as pompous blowhards like RobX and "Coach" but you do seem to be assuming I have things about myself I need to change in order to save my marriage. By default, that is an "It takes two people to destroy a marriage" mindset. No it doesn't, for the record. I watched my best friend quite single-handedly destroy his own marriage, it happens.

Basically, the only "change" I'm really making other than being more open in my job seeking activities is that on some issues, like her daughter and her parents, I'm simply staying out of. She clearly doesn't follow the advice, and as I've learned here quite well, advice that isn't wanted can really annoy people.

At least I have the excuse of "being right there" to see the actual situation. Oh well.

As for the article, and that "most" people have found that WAS are not receptive to books, articles or websites being forced on them. I concur. Particularly if one bites off too much with the suggested material. The article exerpt I handed her wasn't so much about "saving" anything, it was about being careful with advice on an issue like this from friends. And I didn't force it on her. I didn't bug her . . .not even a little, to see if she read it. I didn't quiz her. I just let it ride.

It was also a short read, which is pretty important, in my estimation. Handing someone who probably has little interest in "saving" anything a book or a droning 12 page letter isn't gonna help, been there too.

Unfortunately, Citygirl, NOBODY seems to have even a remote interest in discussing . . .well . . .the original topic of the thread. And that is to the detriment of all of us. It clearly upsets some folks that I didn't completely bungle this . .at least not yet.

Nope, all most folks here want to do is denigrate me, tell me what a control freak I am, talk about how 'mean' I am for not cowtoeing to the board gurus, etc.

I'm getting "Froze out" by these morons, on a topic that really should be discussed in more depth. It's sad that this threads topic is considered far less important or worthy of discussion than the discussion of what an alleged putz I am or cutting me out of the clique, here.

All this being said, I do appreciate the few of you who aren't so petty as to participate in the "freeze out", really. And Citygirl, while I know you feel similar to the way RobX and Coach do about me. . .at least you aren't pompous and arrogant in your presentation. Thanks for that.