W asked "how can I want to go back to something where I felt so alone- hoping it can be different?"
Everytime you open your mouth you confirm to her that you are the same peroson she left and the sitch has not changed. You know why?
Because you haven't. You have been so focused on how much W is f@cking up you haven't worked on you. You keep listening to the noise she (and you) fill your head with.
Let her go on her journey and you go on yours. You won't care what she's up to. You'll be busy working on YOU.
Did your interaction with W make you feel good?
Did it make her feel good?
You're trying to live your old M and you will live your old M with her or anybody else until you understand the only part of the equation you can fix is YOU.
Jasper you are stuck.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
