Ive been away for a while getting my life back on track, wife moved out first week of april, been suspecting internet affair for a very long time, wife asked if our son could stay with me for three days so she could go on a trip to boston, of course i agreed. I asked who she was going to see and she told me nothing. Months ago I went through the whole spying thing and saw on facebook several men she had been chatting with one alot more then the others, fed up with the frustration I stopped all that untill today I remembered this one guy from boston with little effort thats who she is going to see. My biggest frustration is the big ball of lies and I'm wondering is it smart to confront her about the lies at this point I think i'm going to just excommunicate her from my life. To this point I have been friendly and cooperative,even fixing things in her new place. Any advice would be helpfull.
me 46 w 42 m 18 years this april two boys 24 & 14 bomb nov. 9 2009 still fighting to hold on
Most people will continue to stack evidence until it is totally conclusive. Does this OM have a wife or a girlfriend? Do you have phone logs, hotel reciepts, voice recordings, emails?
Your going to build up a stack of info. So far the greatest way to get the spouse to come home is bursting the affair. That means breaking up the relationship. Usually if the OM has a wife or GF, getting enough conclusive information together and showing her gets the job done.
Yes, why not confront it? She will still probably deny it all but confront it. Tell you know where, what, when and who. DO NOT tell her how you know.
Do not be a jerk but be firm.
DO NOT fix things in her new place. Why would you do that? If she wants to leave, she should be a big girl. You fixing things in her new place is just enabling her.
You can never excommunicate her, you have kids together BUT you can go dark. Stop communicating about anything other than your kids.
DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT give her any money for her trip. Do NOT drive her to the airport. Do nothing to assist her with her adventure.
Me 44 She 46 S13 D9 M18 T23 3 years DB'ing Successfully busted
My opinion is to get enough info till it can't be disuputed. Once she knows he is onto her she will tighten up. Perhaps he could act like he KNOWS she's cheating but never reveal that he has a source. States that he will do nothing to support it.
i have phone numbers on him, should i call him and confront him tell him would he like the situation if he was in my shoes. I confronted her today I told her I didnt care what she did but she oviously cared she kept the subject going for some time
me 46 w 42 m 18 years this april two boys 24 & 14 bomb nov. 9 2009 still fighting to hold on
Maybe hers isn't far underway. Many of ours do not care what we think and would play us like we are imagining things with respect to their affair.
I am not sure if I would have confronted with the evidence you have, I'd like more damning evidence.
If you think you can scare OM by yourself... Usually it does not work, its why the people here find a wife or girlfriend and show the evidence to her. She will usually spend alot of time on her side putting the OM through hell. Those OM's usually drop off then.
You can't worry about OM's feelings or whathe would do if he was in your shoes.
been a couple of weeks need to report in. she went to boston spent 4 days with the other man. now he is planning another trip for her but she is not sounding to possitive about going again. she is really feeling the pinch of not having the income she is accustomed to having,she is saying having a long range relationship is not worth having. she aeems to be wanting to spend time with me she wasnt willing to spend before, but i am meeting other women I havent made anything phyisical with anyone but i have made it knowne that i am seeing people. the other man is paying for another ticket to boston this weekend but she is bocking on taking him up on the offer I assume she is going to go. Im not letting on how I feel but Im not sure what my next move should be. Im sure she had sex with this smuck when she went the last time, and im not sure if i could forgive her and take her back but when she comes around a truly miss her! I dont think I have ever been more confused in my life. I would think any normal person would tell her to f___k off but when I see her all logic goes out the door. I have a date with a really nice lady tomorrow night nothing serious but every woman I meet I feel like im using them to get my wife back. I havent done anything against my wedding vows the guilt just eats me up can anyone provide some advice as to how to procede
me 46 w 42 m 18 years this april two boys 24 & 14 bomb nov. 9 2009 still fighting to hold on
If so you will not if you date. You need to decide if she is worth it. If so then stop dating and focus on yourself. I am sorry I don't know your whole story. Spend time with your son he needs you.
If she knows you are dating it will justify her reasons for her A. I can see the whole thing spiraling out of control and any chance of saving the m would be lost.
Please think long and hard about what you want. Read DR if you have not. You say you have not done anything against your wedding vows but you are dating and that does go against wedding vows.
please dont get me wrong, but i have been reading the book (dr) maybe i didnt interpret properly but i remember it said to get on with my life. I seem to have gotten her attention not as i would like but none the less i do have her attention, but i have to think about the point you made whether it justifies her actions or what i'm doing makes her stop and think. that i can move on with out her i have to choose the lesser of two evils. If she sees me as a weak person unable to move on or she sees me as a desireable man by other women, maybe she will have seconed thoughts. She has been having seconed thoughts about going back to boston and having a long term relationship that cant possibly go any where unless she moves there. and I dont think she would leave our son for anyone. She has had alot more contact with me and im not sure how to take it just the fact she is questioning her relationship with this guy does give me hope even though im sure im wrong. One thing im sure of she is having seconed thoughts of our monitary situation she has come to the rude conclusion that i contributed much more then she ever imagined and she is addicted to money, not that i want that to be her reason to want me back. I guess what I want is for her to realize that i was a good husband and I made a good living and her decissions were wrong though she may never admit it. I would love yours or anyones input on this situation.
me 46 w 42 m 18 years this april two boys 24 & 14 bomb nov. 9 2009 still fighting to hold on
