The dreaded LIMBO

[4luv]

very good advice Allen. Now how do I follow this and how do I hold back? Again, I am choosing to remain separated and told husband this from the beginning. However, does holding back also mean not going on dates together or even seeing the therapists with him?

I guess I am just not sure how to balance things. When your wife finally got rid of OM what did you do? Did you guys continue to stay in different bedrooms? Did you both start spending time with each other (even just watching tv, etc.) My husband and I never stopped having sex so I think that part would be hard to stop now when I didn't during his cheating (wish I would have looking back but maybe it kept us connected). Also, I agree with the trust thing which is why I do feel I need to pull back. I was going to basically lay out my requirements during the therapy session as far as the steps I need for husband to take in order to start to build trust again. If he doesn't comply in my timeline then that is when I bow out because that is not a relationship that I can rebuild with him without my requirements.

again, thx for your replies newmama and allen.

oh and too answer newmama's question...you are right, he would have not had a chance to even see my changes if I would have left right away.