If I have a great day and am totally happy, he says I look tired and am acting miserable
Your being happy confuses them IMO. It makes them unsure of their actions. Ignore his opinion. Consider the source and the frame of mind the source is in... Believe nothing of what they say.. chances are they haven't a clue what to say to us...
Last edited by DiamondGirl; 05/19/1002:24 PM. Reason: typos!
~ This Diamond now SHINES!! ;-p ~
My Sitch in MLC - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=45253&Number=1901148#
Have you started to separate your finances? Perhaps it is time to look at that... I tried not to for the longest time until I had no choice but to separate mine and H's. You can't let *their* MLC crazy lifestyle choices/spending affect the way you and your children are provided for.
His lifestyle is his choice, and your children are relying on you to protect theirs and your lifestyle.
When/if you choose to allow him back into your life, you can revisit the issues and decide what arrangements can be merged again or not. Your choice.
Keeping things enmeshed financially does not bring you closer together IMO, only provides fodder for the MLCer to latch on to and complain about.
Separating things financially doesn't bring you farther apart IMO.. separate cities is pretty far as it is... It is merely a way of protecting yourself and your children from the MLCer chaos...
~ This Diamond now SHINES!! ;-p ~
My Sitch in MLC - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=45253&Number=1901148#
SCh, Believe none of what they say and only half of what they do. This is such good advice as it keeps you from being sucked into their drama. As soon as you do something they said they wanted it changes. You can never win, so the best thing to do is not even try.
Stay focused on yourself and your children as your H is not even close to being done. Live your life within your own boundaries and don't concern yourself with his. Just protect yourself.
Depression and MLC fog are what drives them. He's spinning so fast trying to fix himself. He moves from one thing to another trying to escape the pain. When he burns himself out he may stop to examine his real issues. Those things inside that have sent him on this journey. We can only pray that this happens sooner or later.
Stay focused on yourself and your children as your H is not even close to being done.
SA, I'm trying, I am, it's just so hard for me to believe that this is so. I know it probably is, I just can't help but keep asking myself how we got to this bad spot. I jus tcan't believe it's true, and that there is nothing I can do to change this. Thank you for saying so
DiamondGirl, Thanks so much for dropping by and posting, you gave me a lot to think about. It really helped me to "see" a bit outside my own thoughts, when I read your take on things. I didn't find it abrupt at all!
I guess I was dragged in again, believed things were changing. But they didn't; he was just "playing" me AGAIN to his advantage.
It's not just the fact that they unilaterally "break" the relationship when bomb hits, that hurts. Worse, I think is the abuse of trust with endless lying, emotional harm through blaming, and the simple fact that they just keep killing the relationship.
I so wish I wasn't in this sitch!
When you have kids, it's sooooo hard because you still have to deal with them and their mind games all the time.
Hired a neighbourhood student to cut the grass. Worked out at the gym (again!). Contributed significantly to my profession.
WH came to visit kids, was mean and nasty to me. I left and went to the gym. When I came back he left in a major huff. Also wants the kids extended time this weekend. Also wants me to spend less money. Also wants me to confirm in writing when else he can have them. Also wants and wants and wants....
Why doesn't he just friggin file and get it over with?
You know, if other people's WAS's can move to other cities to be with OW, why can't WH figure out a city to live in with me -- if he really wants to. Logically it would be bcausee really doesn't want to. He is gone. He just feels guilty. Time to talk to L again. I am very disappointed.
