Help doing what is best for The Children

[Ready2Change]

Well, MsR2C has shown up at my house 2 times this week without my consent. One time to drop off something for the kids. Second time with the kids to pick up stuff. I don't mind her coming over, it is the just showing up when she wants without my consent that I want to address. Any ideas... I keep thinking boundaries....... treaspassing and restraining orders seam harsh, but may be the only thing she will respect.....

[Grace_O]

What do you do if you need to drop off or pick up kids stuff from her? Do you call first? Is that what you would like her to do?

It is a matter of common courtesy. An "I would appreciate a call before you drop by" might fall on deaf ears, but have you stated what you want clearly to her?

[Onthemountaintop]

If she was a coworker, you'd expect that. As someone you had sex with, the boundaries need time to cement.

Maybe try building the boundaries over time? Small steps at a time?

[Ready2Change]

What do you do if you need to drop off or pick up kids stuff from her? Do you call first? Is that what you would like her to do?

It is a matter of common courtesy. An "I would appreciate a call before you drop by" might fall on deaf ears, but have you stated what you want clearly to her?

Multiple times.

Today (5/20)~8AM She stopped by again this morning.....
I changed tactics. I went to door, stood close to her. After she left, I sent a this text: "Hi Sweatheart, nice to see you looking good. Hope things are well. Have a great day" Note: I always call her sweatheart after she calls me A$$hole...

Yesterday(5/19) 5:10Pm Text from her "Again, I get to waste my time sitting at your house...." 5:14 from Me "I am sorry to hear that"

(5/17)8AM - Text from her "Have S10 call me". I respond "k" a few minutes later, "Nevermind, I'll be there in a minute" Then she shows up.

(5/10)8AM - Text from here "Need shoes - stopping by". I respond "When?" no reply from her.

(5/7)5:50 - Text from her "Need the baseball stuff - stopping by - thanks!" I reply "perfect".

(5/6) Text by me "So if I understand you correctly, you feel it is OK to show up at each others house unannounced."
Her response "Do you honestly think I enjoy having to go by your house all the time?"

(5/5)I arrived to find her and kids at my house, she was waiting in the car. Text from me "Showing up at my house unannounced is unacceptable behavior. You need to let me know Before you show up". She got angry, sent kids inside, then started yelling, so I tuned out and just looks and smiled...


Sooooo,

I am going to run all this past out family therapist.

Here are my current thoughts on the next text :

"MsR2C, I can understand why you feel it is OK to just stop by anytime you feel like it. But, that is unacceptable behavior. As with everyone else, you need MY permission to come over. Just imagine if I were to follow your lead and continually show up at your house whenever I wanted, I think you would understand why it is important for us to mutually agree on visits before either one of us just show up at the others house. If I ever need to go to your house, I will send you a text stating the reason, the time, and wait for your OK before just showing up. I expect the same from you."

[Ready2Change]

"MsR2C, I can see why you feel it is OK to just stop by anytime you feel like it. This is unacceptable behavior. As with everyone else, MY permission is required to come over. Imagine if I were to follow your lead and continually show up at your house whenever I wanted. I hope you can see why it is important for us to mutually agree on visits before showing up at the others house. If I have a need to go to your house, I will send you a text stating the reason, the time, and wait for your OK before just showing up. I expect the same from you."