No longer "stuck808". Now my name is Bond. "MrBond

[MrBond]

Update:

So over the weekend, my oldest D had a friend over for a sleep-over playdate. My W stayed overnight to help out.

Overall, everything went well. On Friday, my C suggested that I tell my W that she was forgiven and to ask her to forgive me over the weekend to see what her reaction would be.

So Saturday night while we're in bed together, I told her I had forgiven her and asked if she could do the same. It escalated into a R talk that went wayyy to long which was my fault. She maintained that I had had brought all this stuff up before and I agreed with her that I had, but that I had never received any answers to my questions. There were so many things I brought up, but one thing I asked her was why she kept treating me badly and she said it was to push me away. I told her she was a coward for doing that and that she hadn't taken ownership for anything she had done wrong. My C said that "ownership" of her actions was important, so I made sure to hit that point.

So in the end I told her that the main problem we had was that we just stopped talking to each other and that she gave up. She mentioned that she did try and I told her that I didn't know she was trying and that I didn't know that she had issues with the M. I told her that she had to tell me if things weren't so hot so that at least I could have changed and that if I didn't know, of course nothing would change. It ended on a pretty neutral note.

The next morning, there was some tension, but she was talkative. We spent the rest of the day with the kids at a water park and at the end of it all, we had another short talk where I told her that she had to start communicating with me better. That night, the kids were crying as she was leaving and I told her that this was what I had to deal with every time she left. She then flipped it around and said that she had offered to split our time in the house so the kids could be stable, but that I didn't want to leave because I did some work out of the house. I flipped it back and told her why should I leave if she was the one who was unhappy.

I told her to think about it...she wanted to go into a R with a married man, felt uncomfortable with me, so wanted me to move out. Why the hell should I have? Funny I could recognize that now as fear from her. I could see that she was sad and frustrated by her actions and needed someone to blame. She didn't argue the point back like she used to. I think she's slowly coming out of the fog she's in.

So she called her sister to ask her to pick her up. As she's waiting, I tell her that she is running away and leaving the rest of us to deal with her consequences. I told her about what the C told me about the kids' separation issues with her and she countered that she she did some reading too and that we shouldn't swap the kids that way. I countered back and said the swapping wasn't the issue. The kids see HER leaving home so their issues are with her and they want her home. Then I asked her to tell me that she didn't miss the kids. She didn't answer.

Her sister then came and she hugged us all goodbye.

Monday rolls around and we have a pleasant talk when she calls the kids to say goodnight. I can tell she listened to some of the things I was telling her (such as asking me how the kids were doing) because she did so in her conversation.

Tuesday when she calls at night, I tell her that I was disappointed at her not calling earlier in the day on Monday to see how the kids were doing because of their outbreaks and that she used to. She asked me how my day went (which was another thing I suggested she do to help in communicating). She reiterated that she had doubts since before we got married. And that's how things ended.

So this morning, she comes over to watch the kids since she's off. I pull her to the side and tell her that I understand that she had doubts before we got married and that she could have and still can talk to me when she had those doubts. Then I told her that even though she had doubts, we got married and we have a family. And that there's not a couple I know who didn't have doubts before they got married. I said that we have an obligation to the kids and each other and that what she decided to do was up to her, but that I am still in this.

Then I left for work.

Whew, that was long. She doesn't seem to be as combative as before and actually seems to be thinking of things now. Are they hitting her? I have no idea. All I know is that every day she seems to be more like her old self.