The dreaded LIMBO

[4luv]

Allen,

Thanks for the reply :-) I have been going back and forth about how much effort I should be putting in. I thought about it and concluded that the reason I even came to this site was to save our marriage and for us to not divorce and work on things. If my husband has come to a point where he wants to do this I have to ask myself is it really beneficial for me to hold everything over his head. Now I am not saying that I sweep everything under the rug but just as much as he has to earn trust, see a therapist to examine his issues, show me affection, prove to me that he understands that pain and hurt he caused, etc....I also have to work on forgiveness. If I was going to "leave him alone" once he came to a point to actually give this marriage 100% then I should not have even been on this site.

Now the flip side of this argument is that by actually coming to this site I realized that the bigger goal was not saving my marriage but rather saving myself form the destructive and hurtful behavior that my husband was spewing to me during his affair. Right now I am feeling very strong and feel like slapping myself for putting up with his bull chit for an entire year. The current me would NOT stand for that right now and sometimes I feel like my husband doesn't deserve a chance to have our family ever again! But then again I go back to a moment when things were really rough for me emotionally when I was living with husband and I sat in my closet and prayed to God to give us another chance. I talked to God and said that I would be more forgiving and appreciate my husband more.

So if I am not willing to move towards husband when and while he is taking double the effort then what was the point of the entire year that I was divorce busting.

see my dilemma...yes my head is spinning right now :-) But this is how I go back and forth between lets forgive to he doesn't deserve me. I also think about the fact that I am young and I could end up in a committed relationship/marriage with someone else who wouldn't EVER cheat on me or treat me that way.