Thanks Allen and Jasper. I'm having a crappy day. Jasper - you asked me if I was really done. The answer i suppose is I don't know, but I'm choosing to be done. Four months of DB last resort technique, plus a statement of what I will and will not tolerate. I said to him over and over again, I will not stay in an open marriage. I refuse to share my husband's affections with another woman. I will not stay while the OW exists. All of that had no effect. I cannot stay with a man who tells me he loves me and then goes and texts the OW about how much he wished he was in bed with her. He seems to want points for "showing up" or "sticking around." all talk, no action. I chose to take action. I can't blame that fact on anyone but me. It was my choice. I chose to start to live a full life because staying in this whirlpool of BS isn't getting me/us anywhere. I hope so badly that this will shock him into action. I hate to see him cry. I hate that I'm causing him pain. My H is not a bad person. He's weak and selfish and he keeps making mistakes. But that isn't all that he is. he's my best friend. Our DB coach said something interesting to him today. She said that we're a curious case. Most of the time when people get to this stage in their lives, they've lost the friendship and there is a lot of anger. With us, we have no problem being friends, even after all of this, we are still best friends. There isn't a lot of anger, mostly hurt and pain. What we lost was intimacy. He wasn't interested in having sex with me after the death of a woman he'd loved before me. I feel like a monster and weak myself for not fighting anymore. There comes a point when you can't do it by yourself anymore, right?
When you are happy as an individual, you are in a better position to determine whether a partner enhances your happy life or weighs it down.
