Game Point

[tryingtilDorR]

Yes, I totally agree. Her telling me this made me feel somewhat committed to her. I don't want to hurt her. In the same breath she has told me that 'it is crazy' to feel like she does about me after such a short time so she is questioning the whole thing herself.

It is interesting to discuss this whole area with someone when you are involved in it. She and I can talk about all of the feelings we are experiencing openly - she is very intelligent and it is interesting to reflect on all this with her since we are both navigating through some interesting emotions. She likes to almost play coach/counselor to me in many ways - her parents were both psychotherapists it turns out. As a result, we are both very able to talk about what we feel openly and it is kind of shocking the things we have shared in such a short time - deeper discussions than I have ever been able to have with my W.

I have seen it 'from the other side' and can first-hand understand what W was clinging to, but I don't feel like I need to cling to this and could let it go.

Her expressing her feelings for me is an unexpected twist. At first I thought we were just going to be really good friends and she was someone who could relate to what I have gone through, but she is on the hunt for a partner, is available, and it is a dangerous combination I realize.

However, I am learning some other things that might be helpful to newcomers which is why I wanted to talk about this here. I am finding that there are a LOT of wonderful people out there. I had been told this, but until you meet some you are always skeptical.

There was a time that I thought the only person I could ever be happy with was my W, even though she was dragging me over a bed of daggers with her behavior, disrespecting me immensely, nasty attitude, and everything else that was going on. I was devastated. Now I am realizing that there is a lot out there - women are very attracted to a man who remained committed to his M even when his WAW was having an affair and tried to do whatever he could to save his M.

I have told her how hard I worked to save my marriage and family, how I went through a year of counseling to deal with the situation, researched/read everything I could, and eventually arrived at the other side emotionally to the point where I was interested in meeting new friends once she finally left me (moved out of the house - she 'left' 18 months ago when she started her A).

Newcomers take note - you don't have to do what I am doing to learn this, but just know that there are wonderful people out there that may allow you to understand what you have been missing in a committed R. I would still take my WAW back immediately to see if we could make it work, and you should do the same (after all this site is 'divorce busting' right?). It doesn't mean you should give up on your M when it seems there is no hope, but maybe this will give you a little more patience and peace to know that you will survive, and possibly thrive, if you have to face moving on because WAS won't return. There may be things out there that you might not have imagined.