The panicking is a normal response to your situation. That said, DB'ing is not normal. It is counter intuitive to everything your mind and heart will tell you. The truth being that it works....it works very well. Read the entire story of TG, Ericsmart, etc....The have started the path to refinding themselves and that is just one step in many you will go through.
Forget about time lines, the affair, the OW, and the impact it will has on all. Those are things you have no control over. Worry about only the things you control.
I know people will keep saying "this is normal, that is normal" it gets frustrating... but listen to them. It IS normal, and take some solace in that. You may feel better knowing that others have come before you and felt the same way, and others will pass after us and yes, the same things will be said and felt, to a degree.
I barely talk to my husband, but last Sunday I did break down and call him to see how he was doing. Our conversation lasted about 45 minutes, and in that time his mood cycled between friendly and caring to hateful and mean. He keeps suggesting to me to start dating (he mentions it EVERY time he talks to me), but when my son told him about a couple of male friends we talked to over the wkend, he was furious. I don't get it!
I will try to go darker...::sigh::
M: 34 WAH: 38 (in MLC) Together: 11 years Married since: November 2000 DS: 15 DS: 11 DS: 10 ILYBINILWY: Dec. 2009 Living separately since: April 2010
You're right, Truegritter, I do need to detach more and stop putting so much focus on my H. Right now most of my thoughts are of him, what he's doing, why is he doing this to me, what can I do to get him back, etc. ugh I'm not sure what it is I can do to STOP, though.
M: 34 WAH: 38 (in MLC) Together: 11 years Married since: November 2000 DS: 15 DS: 11 DS: 10 ILYBINILWY: Dec. 2009 Living separately since: April 2010
Truegritter, I appreciate all the responses I have gotten on this thread, especially since I know they are from people who have been through this. I have no close friends and little family support, so that makes this all even more difficult to cope with.
M: 34 WAH: 38 (in MLC) Together: 11 years Married since: November 2000 DS: 15 DS: 11 DS: 10 ILYBINILWY: Dec. 2009 Living separately since: April 2010
This is where you come...when you feel like you do right now.
Family and friends do care about you but you have decided to do something that most people don't understand.
They cannot see the courage it takes to make this decision. They cannot imagine themselves making the choice you have made. People really don't like to imagine the "worse" in for better or for worse.
Except for here you WILL most likely be alone unfortunately becasue the statistics would tell you most people take the easy path and RUNAWAY.
You have chosen the tougher road Rlay and that means you gotta get tough.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
