You are taking to heart what this woman is saying. STOP IT.
You need to realize she's addicted right now... You just DETACH and get the job done. Do NOT argue, negotiate, or SYMPATHIZE with an addict. You just stay back and wait. Once the addict realizes
Etc all result in NO REACTION, they will walk away.
That's how you AVOID a fight.. but you keep walking right into them.
Your wife comes home visibly upset and you ask "you have something to say?"
Man, LEAVE it ALONE.. you are a conflict MAGNET.. DROP it.
This is all the crap that is due to happen when you expose, but YOU are taking it PERSONALLY and that is NOT HELPING your CASE.
Treat your addict wife like you would any drug addict on the street. If they insulted you or yelled you wouldn't yell back or argue, you would just stand there calm and wait for the tantrum to end.
Your wife is pissed off at OM, NOT YOU.. but YOU are volunteering to be a punching bag when you try to communicate when she's like that.
That phone call.. I would have just bowed out.. The OM and OMW both want your W to stay clear... I would have just STAYED OUT OF IT... You could have just said, this is none of my business and let those two tell your wife to leave OM alone.
Good call on listening into the phone call in teh basement though... You have learned that OM WAS pursuing her physically... It wasn't just your wife fantasizing.
I have been there, as have many of us... Take some advice from the other side.. STOP saying your marriage is over and that your wife is never giong to come back.. They DO COME BACK... So STOP IT and find some strength man!
Dude, what happened to day, you should be EXCITED, not miserable... OM and OMW are doing YOUR DIRTY WORK FOR YOU.
THEY are taking the bullets and driving your wife into reality... All you have to do is sit back and munch on popcorn...
This is THE BEST... When Exposure is done as well as you have done it, and kept those communication lines open, it makes a HUGE difference..
My advice is for you to just STAY BACK and let your wife deal with growing up... She's acting like a five year old and throwing tantrums... do you know how parents handle a tantrum?
They IGNORE IT.
You just stand back and let them scream.. do NOTHING. Just project calm adultlike energy and hold that for dear life.
Your wife is provoking you... Ignore it.
You are doing well, I am not trying to beat you up here, but You still seem to have not gotten the idea that she's ADDICTED. You keep thinking this is your WIFE talking rather than an ADDICTION talking.
Your wife is in there, but right now the addiction is doing her thinking and acting for her... Your wife is just inside watching and can't do much about it until the addiction is gone.
