Why in the world would I want H to try to fall back in love with me knowing he is capable of this.
BD, you are right. You don't want H back in your life as your life-partner at 'any price'. I guess one way to look at this whole DBing thing is to find out the answers to many questions, and particularly about ourselves..what kind of life we want, what values are important, who we want to share it with.
I think so far you have been making changes in yourself, but so has your WH. This thing is not static. It's going to evolve again. It's Ok to throw in the towl - maybe you can do that by accepting ewhat you can change and what you can't. Lose your expectations of him. Let him go on his journey. You take yours. You can handle it. You don't know where it is going to lead.
I guess what I am trying to say today is go through these emotions, don't contact him for a while, until you see where you are headed next.
* I'm leaving in 15mins to go to see my therapist, but will be back in a few hours and will check in with you then. You are in my thoughts!
