I can understand your concern about her only adding small talk to her e-mails when she is contacting you about admin. stuff. It does hurt but it is just how these types of situations play out.
Selling a house and dividing finances is stressful so civilized exchanges are always better. This is a very good time for you to implement boundaries, to practice acting "as if" and really work on detaching from the outcome of this situation.
As I said, not every message from a WAS requires an immediate response or a response at all. Take your time responding and keep the focus on business matters. Be upbeat and pleasant but don't extend yourself anymore than what needs to get done. As time passes and some of these tasks begin to get wrapped up you will get a better idea of her intentions I think.
Actions really do speak louder than words. And your W has given you very clear signals. She was upfront about how uncomfortable the flowers made her and didn't think twice about excluding you from the gym membership even though a joint membership would have been more economical. So, small talk really doesn't reflect her actions, no?
My H and I are a bit younger than your W but were married for 10 yrs (we have been legally separated for 6 months but have not lived together since March of 2008). We don't have children. I know that often times "we" (me and you) cling to administrative type communication as we have no other real reason to talk (such as children) but really, her actions speak much louder than a line or two of small talk.
The goal here is to let her wonder what you are up to. Honestly, if she wonders enough she will begin to pursue you. If not, well, then you know where she stands at this time.
