Cause for alarm?

[Allen A]

I want to know what on earth OM has been saying to her to give her the delusion that they have a future together... I certainly think he's been saying more than "hello" and "goodbye" which is what he claims...

He's done a lot of damage here and he won't own up to any of it... He just plays dumb like some inconsiderate child... I want to know what the hell he's been saying to lead her on like this...

[OfficerInNeed]

I want to know the same. It had to been said either in person or over the phone back when they were talking over the phone. We may never know but the more I think about what has happened and way W's mentality I just cannot see her ever emotionally coming back to me.

I said this in another thread and will say it here. My W has the mentality of a 16 yo when it comes to relationships. She is not your typical WAW. Sometimes I feel like she wants to be told ILY ect... I could be very wrong but my W seems to be easy to persuade, at the same time she is not stupid. Also as my W has put it her heart is bleeding.

I need things to say to her, that will question her logic and cause her to reconsider.

[MrBond]

OM aside, this is all about your W. She has to be the one to end things and she's just not willing to do that.

There has to be a motive for her to leave things alone.

[TimeHeals]

I said this in another thread and will say it here. My W has the mentality of a 16 yo when it comes to relationships

You hear that description alot with WASs.

She is not your typical WAW

You hear that a lot from LBSs.

I need things to say to her, that will question her logic and cause her to reconsider.

Arguing and reason don't usually work.

It didn't work for me, and I tried arguing. It was like arguing with a brick wall.

I am seperated now. Maybe your story is different?

[OfficerInNeed]

Arguing with her? Absolutely not. I validate her feelings. I do not try to reason with her. What I am saying are lines I can reply with when she tells me she is leaving rather than just saying "I only want you to be happy" cause right now to her happy is leaving me and living the fantasy of being with OM.

[DaddyLongShanks]

I said this in another thread and will say it here. My W has the mentality of a 16 yo when it comes to relationships

You hear that description alot with WASs.

She is not your typical WAW

You hear that a lot from LBSs.

I need things to say to her, that will question her logic and cause her to reconsider.

Arguing and reason don't usually work.

It didn't work for me, and I tried arguing. It was like arguing with a brick wall.

I am seperated now. Maybe your story is different?

Many of us have dealt with WAS's that have gone through a similar transformation. The beautiful thing is the mindset is usually not sustainable, and its not a position they can hold for ever in the circles they roam. I understand the brick wall bit. What I am more interested is in how this occurs, whether through their social group support or interactions, etc that allow it to ohappen over time.

How this knowledge can be exploited in a better way to burst the affair or help our spouse to come to their senses.

[OfficerInNeed]

ALL HELL JUST BROKE LOOSE!!

Story to follow.

[DaddyLongShanks]

I hope he's still alive...

[OfficerInNeed]

Talked to OMW this morning. She informed me that OM was going to supervisor to request to not work anywhere near W anymore. From what I was told, he told the sup. what was going on and how he is trying to reconcile his marriage and she just won't stay away.

I got a txt form W this morning that she was leaving work early. W came home early and was very mopy. W was looking at me so I asked her "Something you want to say?" she said "not right now." W went to sleep.

I woke up and W woke up shortly after. W was dragging around the house and was in a daze. W started to tell me how stressed out she is at work and that is why she left early. People are talking about her. She does not understand why. Apparently OM has been ignoring her too and it is taking a toll on her.

W said she felt like crying. I tried to be supportive without implying what she was/is doing is right. W failed to see the point that if you don't talk to him then there is nothing for anyone else to talk about.

I told W how OM/OMW said they would report this to sup. if continued.

W female friend from work called and W walked away and went into the basement to talk to her. I was standing in my kitchen and I could hear W come up through the vents as she was talking.

I heard bit and pieces -

- W said she is upset that OM could just ignore her like she is nothing,
- W thought I was making up that OM was going to report this.
- W said she was not the only one contributing to this all, that OM would come up and what I heard her say "Kiss her hand and fingers and say 'what a beautiful girl she is'"

W came upstairs and demanded to know what else was said and I said "I want answers as well, lets sit down like adults and discuss this"

W refused to discuss anything with me and said "I have nothing to say" "there is nothing to tell you" Not knowing she was speaking loud enough to be heard.

So I asked "Tell me what your relationship was with him and what happened" She said it was nothing and "not what you think or making it out to be, typical you stringing things together that don't go together"

So I said what I heard. W then got dressed and walked out the door. Just before she walked out the door I had got OMW on the line and told her what I had heard. She agreed that we need to have a 4 way call again. W walked out.

W then eventually came back and demanded to see my phone logs to see who I had been talking to for the past 2 months. I said "That is fine as long as I get to see yours" I went on to say "It is transparency over her, I have nothing to hide"

W spoke about our marriage being over and I said "we are a married couple, and couples don't leave or walk away from the situation, they improve them."

Then my W went on to relive to her the day the marriage ended. An incident that occurred that she took and blown out of proportion.

Then W started to get nasty and bitter with me so I said "We are adults, we can talk civilly no need to disrespect me"

Then OM/OMW called. OM expressed how this ALL has to stop he is getting tired of it. ALL conversation needs to end ect...

Then OMW got on to the phone and started to tell W off and call her out on many things,.
They went back and forth. OMW said "You need to stay away form my husband and work on things with yours" W started to talk poorly about me so I said over the speaker phone "I am not going to sit back and let others disrespect me, not even my own W" then my W said "That is nothing more than a title right now"

The call ended W started to disrespect me again, I got up took phone logs and she got up and said "soon enough I will be gone and I can get on with my life" and I said "you walk out the door you will be abandoning this home and your family, no one or nothing else is leaving" W gave me dirty look and walked out the door.

So nothing but hell today after two fairly descent days. W pretty much HATES me and at this point I cannot see her ever considering giving us another chance.

What to do now?

- Tell her to leave? telling her she is right that our marriage won't work
- Avoid her? go dark...

I am kind of lost right now. This has got way out of hand


I know I am leaving a lot out but I cannot focus at the moment

[DaddyLongShanks]

She'll come back. Reality is hitting hard, of course she hates you since you messed up utopia. Don't talk to her for a few days, even up to a week. Stay busy, don't worry about what she's thinking or going to do.

The OM door is closed shut.