She could just be acting nice to me until she side-swipes me with a petition for D, but I don't get that feeling. I think we are at the moment at the limit of what she has planned.
Or maybe when you started moving to protect yourself financially, she figured out you weren't going to lay around being a victim.
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She basically told me what you guys and gals have been saying and to get my head down and move on.
Except we say you need to detach and take care of yourself. Whether or not you get divorced is up to you.
Only you know the answer to that. We say protect yourself and worry about your own health and happiness first and don't make her the focus because it isn't doing you any good.
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If I do decide to go down the D route I need to do it because I want to and that I am ready for it.
Exactly, only you know if that is the right thing to do and feels like the right thing to do.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Basically I can have the boys any time I want when I am not in work.
I work shifts, 6am-2pm, 2pm-10pm, 10pm-6am.
At the moment I am off work and so we share the kids 50/50 each day. I have them overnight , take them to school, I would pick them up from school and talk about their day. Give them their tea and sort out homework and then she would pick them up at 7pm and take them to school the next day.
The 7pm thing is what we fell into last time she left, as I would be on a 6am-2pm shift I would pick them up from school at 3pm after work. I would have them for a few hours until she picked them up again at 7pm to take them to school as I couldn't. If I did not have this brief interlude with the kids I would have to go 5 days without seeing my boys.
When I am on the 2pm-10pm shift, she picks up the boys from school and brings them here at bed time and stays here until I get in from work at 10.30pm. This allows me to see the boys in the morning and take them to school. Otherwise I could go up-to 5 days without seeing the boys.
When I am on the 10pm-6am shift, she has the boys overnight of course, and I pick them up from school at 3pm. I then have the boys till 7pm. This again stops me from having to go 5 days without seeing my boys.
On my days off I have the boys 100% of the time.
A strange set-up, but it allows us to see the boys as much as we can, and gives us time at the handover to talk about the boys and anything else that is relevant.
Clear as mud??
Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
Protecting myself financially has demonstrated to her that this is a serious business, and that I will make the hard choices. Besides that, it was the right thing to do for sure!
Telling her I am seeking legal advice will further re-enforce this demonstration and hit her with a 2x4. Besides that, getting advice is the right thing to do for sure!
To her this will look like I am moving on. This will upset her.
To me it is a part of the acceptance of where we are and where we are headed. I need to separate & detach, if only to protect myself and my boys.
But by telling her, it may push her into taking an action she did not want to take and both accelerate and escalate things until they begin to snowball.
But by setting things into motion does not mean that I have to follow through with it - I just don't sign the papers.
I want to fight for my R with my WAW, but the old R is dead.
Perhaps one way or the other we have to end the R.
Perhaps D is the only route out of this. It could end in a new R with the WAW, or one with someone else. Either way, perhaps the harsh reality is that I must move into the unknown...?
Just catching clouds..
Regards, Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
Spent some good time with my boys fixing their bikes to go on a little bike ride to see my parents. Trouble is that one of the inner tubes blew out while we were fixing it, and it's too late to get a spare.
Has anyone tried to teach an 8yo how to fix a puncture- it's more difficult than you think....but sorta fun in a way.
Told a male parent at the boys school what has happened, and was surprised by the amount of sympathy and empathy he gave me back. Turns out a similar thing happened to him in his past, and he spent the first 3 weeks after his bomb in bed hiding under the duvet.
Anyway - off to make the boys tea - good job I can cook and did ALL the cooking in my M.
Going out to play in a poker league tonight. Wish me good hands....
Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
There's a reason they put that little "v" between the names of the parties -- it's an adversarial system, by design. If she asks you straight out, don't lie, but don't give her any details about the advice you were given ("I just thought it would be wise, considering what was going on, to protect myself and better understand my options." -- or some such).
Going out to play in a poker league tonight. Wish me good hands....
If you fall too far behind, just call some "3-card gut" when it's your deal. You'll either make it all back very quickly, or you'll go home broke and destitute, and forced to turn to a life of drugs and crime, eventually living off the land in the northern woods of Wisconsin and foraging for nuts and berries.
Just don't call that "Indian" game (where you put the card on your forehead, for all of the other players to see but you can't), or you'll look like a noob.
My gut was telling me not to tell her, but I wanted to be sure that I was not being blinded by emotion and anger.
Regards, Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
I have finally got beds for the boys at the right price.
The WAW told me that she'd also informed our local council that she'd moved to another home. She told me that she'd also seeked legal advice, but that they had been not much help.
She said that she had only done this because I had seeked advice and wanted to know what her options where.
Bollocks!
I don't believe a word out of her mouth in that they had not been much help.
Tomorrow I am going swimming with the boys....glug glug.. May see a MILF in a small cossi I like.....
Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
Both lawyers I have spoken to say the same; Do not change the locks as she has legal access to the home she is on the mortgage for. I have grounds for D - Adultery. But she has to admit it. The stuff she took when she burgled the house is legally hers as it was bought whilst we were together. There is no case of theft here. Getting a D is not the end of it - it seems that you must also separate officially in financial terms. I didn't know this. I thought a D was the end of it all. I am advised as everything is amicable now, that we come to an arrangement with regards to custody of the kids and over financial matters.
Yesterday my eldest, 10yo, over heard my WAW mention the OM's name a few times in a phone conversation between the WAW and her Sister.
So now I know that he is back in the scene as well. This just confirmed my suspicions.
To cap it all I have a WAW who has rented another place to stay and taken everything of hers and the boys. The PA is on the go again.
Basically she wants to live the fantasy life of the affair, ensure the boys still see me, and I am left dangling if the affair goes sour and then she could come back.....
Perfect scenario for her in her mind - no doors are closed. I asked her flat out if she had started D proceedings. A straight no was the answer.
But this tells me nothing. She has lied in the past, and will do so again.
More worryingly, my eldest has 'vented' some of his frustrations by peeling back some of the wallpaper in his bedroom. He also defaced one of his posters by writing me, himself and his Brother in a circle with the words 'who loves who' inside the circle. Mum is outside the circle.
So do I wait? I don't want to start D proceedings yet - I don't feel ready. I am still wearing my wedding ring - she is still wearing hers.
I aim to join a Gym soon and exercise.
I have enrolled on a dating site for other parents.
I want to break up the PA. I will need help for this.
Puppy, I believe you are highly rated.
The frustration is also in the way I have been played and left swinging in the wind. This was planned for a while. The decision may only have been taken recently to actually leave me and separate, but it may have been planned from when she first came back in December.
This sitch is so similar to quite a few sitches I have read in this forum. Some were successful in getting back together.
It gives me some hope.
Help...
Regards, Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
I would go country hardball on her legally. Use the leverage of being able to go after her for grounds of adultery, and put a sweetheart (for you and your boys) deal in front of her. Tell her it is not negotiable, and that if she wants to fight you on this, you will go after her with everything you have.
So she's wearing her wedding ring. While she cheats on you.
The current situation is not good for your kids. Time to go "Papa Bear," in my opinion.
