Wait until tomorrow and send her the link to the show time listing. IMO she is fishing for some sort of mention of your anniversary. That is silly. If she wants to mention it, let her. If not then let the day pass.
Here are the two emails I could send. I need to pick one.
Help me out, Y'all!
Email #1
"Hi,
The show starts at 6. It's a three hour deal, with a bunch of stuff on after wards like interviews and alternate endings and a bunch of stuff I wanna check out.
You're in charge of bringing the wine. I'm making Shrimp Alfredo so make it red, please.
Talk to you later."
Email #2
"Hi,
The show starts at 6. It's a three hour deal, with a bunch of stuff on after wards like interviews and alternate endings and a bunch of stuff I wanna check out.
You're in charge of bringing the wine. I'm making Shrimp Alfredo so make it red, please.
For what its worth, happy anniversary. You've been on my mind a lot today, obviously.
Talk to you later."
Whatcha all think?
Email with no mention of today, or email with a small mention of today?
Wait until tomorrow and send her the link to the show time listing. IMO she is fishing for some sort of mention of your anniversary. That is silly. If she wants to mention it, let her. If not then let the day pass.
I KNOW she is fishing for a mention. You are correct.
Here are the two emails I could send. I need to pick one.
Help me out, Y'all!
Email #1
"Hi,
The show starts at 6. It's a three hour deal, with a bunch of stuff on after wards like interviews and alternate endings and a bunch of stuff I wanna check out.
You're in charge of bringing the wine. I'm making Shrimp Alfredo so make it red, please.
Talk to you later."
Email #2
"Hi,
The show starts at 6. It's a three hour deal, with a bunch of stuff on after wards like interviews and alternate endings and a bunch of stuff I wanna check out.
You're in charge of bringing the wine. I'm making Shrimp Alfredo so make it red, please.
For what its worth, happy anniversary. You've been on my mind a lot today, obviously.
Talk to you later."
Whatcha all think?
Email with no mention of today, or email with a small mention of today?
email 1 IMO
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
Maybe it's just MHO, but to send a "Happy" Anniversary to your WAW.....and especially when the two are S, seems inappropiate. A wedding anniversary is kind of like Valentine's Day, it is a day of celebrating your love and/or your wedding. In a case with a WAS, what is there to celebrate? Besides, it is very pursuing....any card you try to find.
Email #2 is not my suggestion. I would not bring the subject up. I agree with citygirl, she's playing silly teenage games. I also do not think the camping trip was anything lasting for her. I think she was playing you to see if she could still wrap you around her finger. I think that is her plan when she comes over to watch that program. Be prepared.
I would not try talking to her. Has it worked in the past? You need to decide for yourself what you want and then stick with a plan toward your goal.
I am very concerned about something. If you want to move on with your life without her.....and you are sure....then okay. And, I understand that you need to have a positive attitude that you can find someone who would appreciate you and love you, etc. I agree with that. However, it concerns me how you seem to want to run from this R with your W and jump into another R with some other woman ASAP. Perhaps that is only how it sounds in your posts.
I have known D people who do not know how to make a life for themselves without finding another person to "replace" the spouse and to have another R. The point I'm trying to make is to know that you can be happy with who you are and the life you will make for yourself....regardless if there is another lady right away or not. In many cases there are second M's out of rebounds and then another D. So, be careful about jumping too quickly into another stitch, thinking it is the answer to your personal pain or lonliness.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
BTW, if she gets snoty about you not saying anything about the anniversary, simply ask her what was there to say? Don't fall into her traps. It is over-the-top arrogance for a WAW to "expect" her LBH to wish her a happy anniversary.
If she asks if you've thought about what day it was.....or anything like that, just reply with "yes".....but don't get off into a bunch of mushy stuff about having her on your mind, etc. She is fishing for that so that she'll know she still is in power in the R.
If you don't wilt about this--and leave it all up to her....it will be funny to watch her make a silly a$$ out of herself as she tries to display her control over you. Stick to you guns and just keep cool and watch how she operates. If she gets mad over the fact you didn't say or do something on anniversary.....that should tell you all you need to know about "where" she is.
I can tell you that my H did not recognize our anniversary or Valentine's Day and I respected him for not licking my feet. I was being disrespectful to him and our M. Why should he do or say something sweet or even "positive" to me about the holiday? If he had.....it would have pushed me back miles away from him. As it was, I took notice. I didn't respond in any fashion......nor did I immediately drop OM....but I noticed!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
konfuseeed, Sandi has it right. Don't mention the anniversary. Listen to what Sandi said about how it would have pushed her further away if her H had done the same thing. By her H not doing that, he gained some respect by Sandi.
I sent my W some flowers for her birthday a couple of weeks ago. She told me it made her uncomfortable. That made it clear to me that any pursuing does push them away. My W and I anniversary of our first date (20 years ago) is next week and I will not be sending her anything.
Listen to Sandi here, she knows what she's talking about.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
I still haven't responded to her, and I plan to wait until tomorrow and just let her know what time the show starts.
Sandi, I made mention of being able to find someone else just as an indication that I know I will... I'm not looking for a relationship at all right now.
You mentioned a plan, and here is my plan.
To be awesome.
I was awesome during the camping trip. I will be awesome on Sunday, and then I will silently dissapear.
I will not contact her. I will not ask her out.
I want her to see what she is giving up. I am confident that I have made myself a much better person, and I did it the proper way... For ME.
I am going to quietly take myself out of the equation of her confused life, and if her and I are going to be together again, she has to come to me now. I'm done with the scraps and I'm done with the games.
I am well aware that the camping, and the thing Sunday could just be her feeling me out to see if I am still attached.
I can say that in the past, when her and I have done things together and gotten along as well as we have been lately I would almost instantly start a R talk and pressure her to reconcile. I have not even spoken to her since the camping, except to tell her that if she wants to see me again she needs to cut out the snottyness.
No R talk, no calling, no texting, nothing... It was like we had this awesome trip, and then I said "I'll see you later" and left and that was it.
That is DEFINITELY a big change from the way I HAD been acting during the separation.
I'm on my way out the door right now to have a few beers and play mario cart with a good friend. Thank god, cause I couldn't keep my mind off my wife today.
