I would agree with SA. H is NOT the person you used to know right now. Trusting him could be self-defeating right now.
Mila, can I just say that you are trying very hard and seem to be doing a fine job. But it seems to me that as long as your H feels you are not "gone" you won't see him do anything. That coupled with him needing to learn some things, may just short circuit the process. There are no shortcuts and no guarantees where you are headed. When you focus on you, you are doing several things at once: working on you. The idea is that you should love yourself so much that you have much left over. You have so much that you need somebody to share it with. That somebody may be your H. Your H has a lot of work ahead of him it sounds like, and he is trying to take a shortcut to avoid it. He needs to learn a lot. You may have some things to deal with as well that you have not yet discovered. You are trying to do it in the bounds of your marriage while H is not. I applaud that. You are awesome for doing that. Now that you have the oppty to do that, take the time to get those things identified and changed. To the exclusion of H. He may yet lose you, but it would be because he tried very hard to get rid of you and everything else in his life that he previously knew. That may be part of his process - burn it to the ground and then rebuild. A do-over so to speak. Whatever he is doing, he needs to see it through and he is willing to take the chance of losing you. Until you are ready to move on, H won't have to make a choice. You know that already and are trying to leave the opportunity for him to come home. My take from reading your posts is that you should work on you to the exclusion of him. If he is going to come home and recommit to the marriage, he'll do it after he is done with his process and after you have started down the path of moving on. Do it for you. Make it real. Make it count. Leave the door open, but don't watch it. Be careful whom you speak to about your feelings and opinions. That's part of leaving the door open.
Do things for you. Don't wait. Insanity, anger and depression are not fun places to be and they will weaken you and allow you to get sucked in when you should not.
Keep up the good work!
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
