Please help - feeling so desperate - need advice

[fudwoman]

Ok Ok - did not mean to set off a fire storm. A crazy day - my S7 had an evaluation today and we just got back from that so I haven't been on.

Let's see if I can try to address all of the pieces. First - it is true whoever mentioned this (Bridge I think) that when I wrote that piece last night I was taking a time out for myself (actually suggested by H) so that I wouldn't spew out at my family and I didn't. Second this morning I saw my IC and that was extremely helpful to me. I was able to gain back my PMA which had taken a hike.

Bridgestone - the victim stuff was right on the money. I am starting to see how my interpretation of events was totally skewing my view and setting me up to have an angry response.

What my IC helped me see
1) My victim stuff was coming out big time
2) Even though my H would like to believe we are in a 'holding pattern' we are not - things are changing and mostly for the better
3) The reason H doesn't want to do anything proactive FOR our relationship is likely because he is afraid of being hurt again - this was the most important because it got me back in touch with my compassion for him (nod to PEI)
4) I am in control of what I am doing for me - can't control my H but he is not in control of everything
5) H and I are dealing with our 'crisis' in totally different ways and that's ok - there's room for that

We did actually have a good talk last night - I told him all of the things I felt hurt about (too much to write about but basically there were several instances where he cut off communication with me yesterday somewhat unknowingly - and beyond that it was just a bad night with three challenging kids acting out) and we talked about the way I was misinterpreting his actions based on my own perspective. He said he'd try to be more sensitive because he didn't want to hurt me. I said I wanted to understand his perspective not so that he could change but so that I could change and not act from a place of being hurt. Overall it was a positive interaction.

Sidenotes:
Know the Seligman stuff well Coach - thanks for that.
Steve - love the Dalai Lama and need constant reminders about compassion so thanks for that
Lotus - I guess you have initiated me with a 2 x 4 so thanks for that (still stings though)

In sum - I guess it was one of those life tests - last night I told my H I give myself a B- for the night but looking back on it today I think I actually did better than that.

Thanks for the input you each brought to me.

A