I wasn't very clear last night when I posted. Really, I had been feeling sad the entire day. I got some new information yesterday, and it didn't seem to change how I felt much, since I was already feeling a little down.
Over the past 7 months, I thought I had come to better understand the problems in my marriage; problems over the past 17 years. Yesterday, an old girlfriend from college contacted me on facebook. Even though we aren't friends on facebook, she could see my pictures there and saw that I only have pics up now of me and my kids. She gave me a call and we talked up old times. To be clear, it was all very platonic. She is in a very happy long term relationship, and sounded like she was doing very well.
She knew my wife before we got married as well, and there are a lot of mutual friends, all in the music community. After quite a bit of talking, she tells me that she thinks it's good that I'm gonna be free of my wife, and she doesn't know how I put up with all of her infidelities over the years. It turns out that, beside the affair during our first year of marriage, she knew of at least two other guys that my w had carried on long term things with. The one she knew the most details about was in 1998, and the guy eventually broke it off with my w. There was supposedly another guy a few years after that.
She sounded like this was something she felt guilty about knowing all these years, and not having done something. From what she said, many knew about these affairs including some colleagues of mine. The more I think about it, I'm angry that someone didn't tell me. I'm angry that I didn't see it myself.
Once again, I'm looking back over my past and seeing things differently. And some of it seems so obvious now. I'm feeling pretty stupid.
My wife would get very depressed, after a period of mania, and sometimes she would be so sad she would tell me "I'm a horrible wife, I treat you so bad". I would reassure her, remind her of the good stuff she does, remind that if she waited it out, she would soon feel better. I thought she was dealing with the depression side of her bi-polar. Turns out she may have been just telling me the truth.
Right now, I just don't know what to think. Or if any of it matters. I'm moving on. But it's really hard to have the past 17-18 years stolen from me this way.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread