I agree to submit the papers for the kids and see from there on how things will be next week. He came home last night and hugged me and kissed me and squeezed me tight. After doig the paperowrk this morning I stayed home. He had the half day off and we did a few things with the kids including checking out a new car.
I function. But I am definitely going thru a crisis and probably depression. I will look into some help in the sense of pills or something. It's feels stupid to have to go there now while I avoided it all these years.
My BGF called me this morning and said H called again last night. She told him she cant be doing this because of our little misunderstanding and I felt bad because with my reaction I deprived him from the one person that he felt he could talk to and get help from.But on the other hand, she felt uncomfortable.
She told me H has been telling her that "that" part of his life is over and in the backof his mind. He is looking at the future and wants to mak eit a good one with me. He told her he feels stupid and "small" and he wishes there wa some light in the tunnel, I feel everything so dark he get hopeless...
He called her last night to tell her I am going even deeper in the "dark" and I wont listen to him. That he doenst know how to approach me. She told him a few things like "what did you expect, this was going to be hard, you locked away these 3 years but it is so much easier for you than for her etc etc etc".
He asked if there is something to count on, to build on. She said, the love she used to have for you. Build on that. He was surprised I wont build on the "kids". That I dont count them in as a motive to help me come through. It is true I am doing all I can to keep the kids out of this. Because this is about me and him.
Ali, your "story" is not quite accurate. I was always the one that loved more in this R. Probably still am. So no, I was always committed to him 100% and then...this.
I do have issues with coming closer to him now. The more I do, the more I get...worried. I am opening up to a man that was capable of hurting me the way nobody has. That alone, feels...scary.
I am staying quiet. Not making a decision "now" but trying to get myself together. K
