The dreaded LIMBO

[4luv]

Hi Everyone!!

I have been checking in on the usual stitches that I follow (i.e. newmama, ken, mb28, and a few others) but haven't had the time to sit and write out responses (which I will get to) or even update my own stitch. My business start up is going great and I just got the final design of my company logo from the graphics designer :-)

Marriage wise we seem to still be moving forward with reconciliation. I feel that I am having to really make an effort to "not go there" with the negative thoughts in order to really make a go at reconciling which is VERY hard. Sometimes I feel the feelings come back for my husband and others time I feel upset and want to throw in the towel. I also still don't trust my husband which in my opinion he hasn't done anything to earn that yet. THis is something that I plan to address during the next therapy session. My husband has said "I love you" a few times which seems more real to me than if he was saying it all willy nilly from the beginning. HE has also continued with the therapy and I think I will join him for his next appointment (the therapist thinks I should come as well). Anyway, we are still separated and the therapists has suggested that we remain separated for a few months to make sure that we really take the time to address what got husband to the point of cheating. However, the therapists told my husband that he does recommend that we AT LEAST live in the same city and same state while we are separated but remain in different houses for now. The therapists says that alot of times couples separate and then get back together too quickly (due to money constraints, children, etc.) without really addressing the real problem that led them to separate in the first place. The FT basically doesn't want us to get back together out of convenience. This is all stuff that the FT told me b4 when I was seeing him on my own. Husband was telling me what the FT said to him as well which is what I just wrote above.

So husband has been applying to several jobs in the state where I am which is our home state. I sometimes get impatient with the whole separation thing but I know that it is the best thing for me and for husband. The FT told husband and I on separate occasions that the type of long distance separation that we have can be more harmful than useful because we both might get used to the long distance relationship again because that is what we are used to and it doesn't facilitate building a real relationship that we would need to sustain marriage.

Another thing that has been bothering me that I told husband is that more than the cheating it really is hard for me to forgive the way that he treated me and our family during his affair. The only thing he tells me in response is that he is sorry and that he doesn't have an excuse for how he acted except to say that he was just very selfish and only thought about himself. I told him that I felt that him saying he was selfish is just a cop out and I need him to really look at how he could treat me that way. Hopefully this is something that he or we explore during the therapy session. I just don't get how someone can treat another person that they claim to love with such disdain and disrespect.