I have a very different perspective now, and I look forward to sharing it with my lifepartner.
That's great to hear AC, and I know you and all your future relationships will benefit.
Originally Posted By: any chance?
However, I fear that my lifepartner has been lost forever. And it is completely due to my self-absorption. Never again.
This concerns me a little though. I don't think it was 'completely' due to that at all. Yes we all have to take responsibility for our weaknesses that cause issues in our M. But your W chose to leave instead of confronting you directly about the needs she had that weren't being met. To me, that was her responsibility to you and the M. I know it has been in mine and it's why I'm busting my kiester in therapy. And I think her renegging on that responsibility, is a big part of why she's experiencing such erratic emotions and projecting so much blame towards you now. It's guilt.
So yes, by all means work on the areas you feel could be strengthened in your own life. I applaud you for being strong enough to engage in such difficult self-reflection. But please, don't bear the full responsibility for what's happened. That's as damaging as if you'd bore none of it. That kind of self-blame is crippling and eventually destroys your self-esteem. I'm speaking from my heart, looking back at years of my own history of it AC, and I don't want that experience for you. Please, would you consider reading Nathaniel Branden's Six Pillars of Self-Esteem? It's been so enlightening to me, in terms of learning what I choose to feel responsible for, and what I choose not to.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
