If H starts at you again. Time for him to have some reality, I think then. If DS is balking, it's one more thing on your plate that you don't need. My thinking above was that if he was willing, DS being with H and you acquiescing to it would give you some peace because you wouldn't have to put up with talking to H right now. Since that's not the case.... Tell him your kidlette isn't receptive at the moment to being with him. Tell him point blank that you're not being a B, but that forcing this issue isn't in the best interest for the relationship between H and DS. So... be calm, and firm and say... let DS get a chance to miss you. He's a little kid... their sense of time/missing etc will come around. You don't need the extra stress.
Abbey
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
It also may be an opportunity for seeds to be planted about the reality of the situation. Your H will soon have three children to look after (the son you share, the new baby and the son OW already has) and that will limit one on one time with all of them. Partner that with having to work full time and drive to pick up his son and only being granted partial custody, well, time will be limited.
Don't go out of your way to make things hard for him but don't go out of your way to make them easy for him either.
I agree, seeds do need to be planted. But how to go about planting them without being snarky about it. And I do try to remain perfectly civil without going out of my way.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
H called me tonight, asked me how important the annulment was and the divorce would have to be finalized first, right? I said it was somewhat important so he said he has about $200 that he can either give me towards paying off his debt, or he can put it towards the divorce. I told him whatever he wants. So he said I can think about it for a bit and get back to him.
I just want to either tear my hair out or cry. I do not want a divorce, and I could certainly use the cash. But I don't know if he's thinking the check he gave me last weekend has cleared already so the money in his account is really what he has already given me. And if any of that makes sense, God bless you for reading it.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
Mystik: I am the last one to talk, but you are so wrapped up it is hard to think straight. I don't want to be divorced either, but letting our spouses cause us to tear our hair our or cry constantly is very self-defeating. You need to be strong, to keep things in perspective (very difficult, I know, trust me). You will make it through this. No doubt. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you will make it. Be strong. Realize what a wonderful person you are. Be confident in that. Hang in there.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
Why would your H give you money to pay his debt? Isn't it his responsibility to pay his own bills?
Since he is bringing up the divorce again I would be perfectly clear you will not be contributing one DIME to the divorce. You are in NY and due to the circumstances you can easily petition the course for immediate reimbursement of your legal fees.
Unless your H is late on a child support/spousal support payment you should not be discussing his bills or what obligations he will have to pay for regarding the divorce. It is kind of funny that he thinks 200.00 would even make a dent in divorce proceedings (especially in your situation) in this state!
I would say: H, your debt is your responsibility now and my attny will be handling ALL aspects of a divorce.
IIRC correctly you did see an attny, correct? I am curious as to what she suggested regarding support. It would seem to me (and perhaps I am way off base) you would be much better of establishing formal support numbers now as once the baby is born there will be less money to go around.
Sorry for the confusion, CG. H never remembers to pay the daycare so I have to pay it upfront and get it back from him. Same with the car insurance, due to our names being on each other's cars we are required to stay on the same insurance plan. He also has to pay half of all DS's out of pocket medical expenses. That is the debt he owes me personally. Right now he owes me about $350, and come June another $200 will accrue for June's insurance and daycare.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
Isn't maddening about the auto insurance? Even though my H and I are legally separated I am required to be on his auto policy as a "non driver".
You have a lot on your plate and being 550.00 in the hole is NOT OKAY! Take the money you can get now from him and I would let him know in no uncertain terms that being tardy in further monthly payments cannot continue. While I know this is very hurtful to you (proud of you for doing so well!) once the new baby comes he will have more expenses and the only thing you need to worry about is being paid first!
